Pointless amusement

‘True Kosciuszko Bridge’ supporters to defend it from demolition with ‘wolves & swords’

In the name of Millennial apathy and standing up for what is hilariously irreverent and a meaningless source of humor in these dispirited days, a “Consulting Agency” called We Literally Do Everything is organizing a resistance effort to prevent the demolition of the old Kosciuszko Bridge. “Join a band of dedicated warriors as we gather our strength and battle against the invasive Bridge-bringers who are our sworn enemies,” declares the group’s Facebook event page, titled Defend the Kosciuszko Bridge from Demo with Wolves & Swords. As of this writing, close to 400 people have RSVPed yes to the event, with nearly 1,000 interested.

The event description goes on to rally the “faithful supporters of the TRUE KOSCIUSZKO BRIDGE” in the name of the “TIME OF FIRE” being upon us, and the day has thus come to “bring pain to our enemies and their allies.”

The plan to save the old Kosciuszko and cause the “imposter FALSE BRIDGE” to “fall into the seas of Newtown for all eternity,” is limited in detail, as of yet, except that it will involve wolves and swords.

Of note: the official demolition date has not been publicly confirmed yet.

We reached out to Bushwick resident Brian Hersey, an event organizer and member of We Literally Do Everything, for more details on how the resistance movement plans to seize the day of the demolition.


Photo by Brian Hersey
Photo by Brian Hersey

Are you really going to get wolves?

Wolves may take another form, we’re planning to do something. A little background is that this obviously started as a whim. I was seeing all these official “watch the Kosciuszko demo blah blah blah”, and pictures of explosions, I started thinking like, here we go, this is going to be the most Instarammed event in Brooklyn history. Probably not going to be what people think it’s going to be. It’s probably going to be a visual disappointment.

I thought it would be funny if there was the other side of the story. I’m happy to guide it somewhere where it will be tangible.

This enemy you speak of, who is it? Cuomo?

That’s a very good question. I’d like to keep it ambiguous considering everything everyone’s been through in the last half a year. Maybe at some point, as this page unveils things, you might see an identified entity as an enemy, but I’m not going to commit to any particular individual, badge or stripe at this moment. There’s a vague enemy out there who hates our old bridge.

Bears are welcome to come if they want to show up. If a wolf takes the shape of a dog that’s also acceptable. I know wolves tend to be shy in urban areas so we’ll take what we can get. You may at some point see – according to whim, the tides of change – we may identify a tangible enemy but it might not be what you think.

Are you going to petition for this to happen, as the group which wants to serenade the bridge’s demolition with Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture is doing ?

I want to see if there’s any other splinter groups who want to band together. It’s just to see if people are willing to take this past the internet and actually show up, and if it ends up being three people that’d be even funnier to me. I have no grand ambition for it. I’m more about things naturally evolving. This honestly started as a Photoshop joke that grew into something. I’m more than happy to push it somewhere cause it seems like it needs to.

So you literally do everything, do you?

We’re going to stand by that. You can’t go out in the world with that as your moniker and not deliver. As of yet we haven’t gotten any bad reviews.

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