04/25/17 3:49pm
Photo by Yuliya Libkina / Flickr

Photo by Yuliya Libkina / Flickr

Cuffing season is over. Spring is in the air. Pheromones are fully excreting. Don’t look now, but your libido is showing, and it’s unsettling for the general public. Look, I get it. That liberating feeling of putting on your first “Suns Out Guns Out” tank top of the year makes you want to display all your affection to your new beau all over this gorgeous city we call Brooklyn.

But like, stop. We have unspoken rules, people. Rules that should be cherished. Cradled in your arms like a helpless newborn who’s only path to survival is you. Sounds dire? Because it is.

Jeopardizing yourself and your public hook-up pal will only lead to a “social Darwinism” style exile. No, we won’t make you shuffle on ice to your imminent death. But let’s just say this: middle schoolers will be involved, and they are fucking vicious. So buckle up, read the fine print, and you will be safe. Or don’t, and be sacrificed to a throng of youths. Dealers choice.

Read on and inform yourself on the best places to make out if you want the general public to tangibly hate you.

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04/20/17 3:41pm
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#neverenoughsauce. Photo via Chick-Fil-A

[Ed note: (Everything is vegetarian) (Everything is gluten-free except the bonus round) (The spicy cream sauce is vegan)]

Depending on the generosity of your local fast food chain, you probably have a fridge drawer full of assorted dipping sauces and condiments. My collection comes from ordering chicken nuggets on my way home from the bar, getting adventurous with the sauce choice, then forgetting entirely about the Sweet Chili while I eat my naked / unsauced nuggets in a sleepy haze. Somehow, I never remember the sauce collection the next time I have a post-bar snack; thus the collection grows.

In terms of sauce-use, I see myself as having three choices:
1) I can throw the packets away, helping destroy the planet almost as much as my nighttime nugget habit and putting (semi) good food in the garbage.
2) I can eat the sauce straight out of the packet, which is fine on occasion, but really not very filling.
3) I can take a long look at the condiments acquired and decide to make my next meal into a spring cleaning effort.

In the spirit of condiment appreciation and innovation, here’s what to do with your 67 ketchups. (more…)

04/20/17 1:45pm

Seeing a movie in a theater has become ridiculously expensive. Even if you don’t spring for 3D or IMAX, you’re likely paying close to $20 for a film you’re not even sure you’ll enjoy. It’s an event, and the experience usually involves coordinating with friends or partners to find an acceptable showtime and seats that are next to each other (if you’re in one of these newfangled assigned-seating theaters). Shows under $10 are rare, and not every theater has good matinee deals.

So if you’re new to Brooklyn, or you’ve been here for years but generally avoid theaters because of the cost, here is the rundown on current ticket prices. Use this handy guide the next time you need something to do on a random weekday afternoon, or if you’re looking for budget dates. And as we head into warmer weather, you may need to use one of these theaters to duck into when your air conditioner breaks down. And now we present the main attraction: (more…)

03/28/17 3:57pm
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They wouldn’t be able to flail nearly as freely if they were holding beers. Photo via Daybreaker / Facebook

Trying to scrape a living together by working several jobs, keeping up with friends and attempting to find a little time for ourselves can lead us to live functionally alcoholic lives. Thursday, as we all know, is the real start to the weekend and getting trashed with your squad on Friday is the norm. We make no apologies for it. We are over-worked and underpaid millennials and we need to let off steam. But as we find ourselves crawling to yet another Sunday brunch, raging hangover in full swing, we might start to hear people say phrases like “booze fast” or “dry month” and they may even start to sound appealing.

After drinking like the British fish that I am for the last ten years, (I’ve probably put the children of the Bombay Sapphire gin empire through college with my love of G&Ts at this point) I have of late, taken a more sober approach to my NYC life.  I decided to stop drinking four months ago to see how my life would shake down. This began my journey into sober living in Brooklyn. (more…)

03/23/17 2:32pm
Photo via St. Mazie / Facebook

Photo via St. Mazie / Facebook

The streets of New York may not be paved with gold, but there was a time when they were paved with something better: oysters. Before New York Harbor was New York Harbor, it was to oysters what the Fertile Crescent was to humans. People have written entire books on the archeological significance of the giant piles of shells left around New York, and when they discovered a midden (which is the academic word for “pile of trash”) on the Statue of Liberty in 1980, it took them until 1998 to excavate the pile.

I don’t have the patience to dig through oyster shells for 18 years, but I did have the patience to dig through all the $1 oyster happy hours in Brooklyn. Voila: (more…)

03/10/17 5:50pm
Get nasty.

Get nasty.

It may seem hypocritical, but sometimes the best way to fight capitalism is with capitalism. As the Trump administration turns Idiocracy and Black Mirror from a dystopian film and TV show into Nostradamus-level prophesies, our tax dollars are spent on militarizing the perimeter of Trump Tower, and we are berated on a daily basis by news of new lows in the history of democracy, it is hard to think beyond the mentality of fear the current administration has imposed on us. One silver-lining, however, is that where there are strong negative emotions, there is often great art, and ever since the election cycle, people have been churning out anti-Trump merchandise faster than you could say “bad hombre”

Because we defend your first amendment right to shout “Trump sucks!” from the rooftops, Brokelyn has rounded up the best of said joke merchandise on the web right now. If you have a few dollars to spare, donate them to Planned Parenthood, the ACLU or another local charity that needs and deserves your money. But after that, buy yourself one of these neat items. You deserve it for living under the Trump Administration and going about your daily life instead of curling into the fetal position and crying in bed all day. (more…)

03/06/17 9:00am
Photo via PLG Coffee House and Tavern / Facebook

Photo via PLG Coffee House and Tavern / Facebook

Whether you’re studying, writing, or getting your caffeine fix, the merits of Brooklyn’s cafes are numerous. There’s our forever friend, coffee, the presence of other likeminded humans, free WiFi, sweet treats for a snack break. They’re warm in winter, cool in summer, and plenty of them have backyard space. They’re a time-proven haven for artists, writers, and the world-weary, and more than ever they’re popping up all over Prospect Lefferts Gardens. This has not always been the case for PLG, but the area is now more freelancer friendly than ever.

There’s ever more places to choose from the area, but here area a few of our favorites (and if you have questions regarding camping out at your chosen spot, see our guide to cafe camping etiquette). (more…)

02/17/17 3:30pm
Trump Apocalypse

I demand to see Trump’s birth certificate as proof he was born in the U.S. and didn’t descent from hell. Photo via Crooks and Liars

Fear-mongering aside, the world will probably (fingers crossed) make it through the Trump presidency: Rome didn’t fall in a day, and neither will America. That said, it never hurts to be too prepared, and since your best bet is probably to never leave the liberal echo chamber of NYC, here are Brokelyn’s recommendations for Brooklyn’s best hideout locations to hunker down in case of Trumpocalypse that causes war, disease or just a bunch of gentrifying Pepe the Frogs and wait until the next election, or Judgement Day (whichever comes first).

Criteria considered for qualifying locations include visibility, isolation and good local public schools, in case of impeachment. In the event of nuclear fallout, there’s no point hiding: we’re all going down together. (more…)

02/06/17 3:15pm
Date night on a budget: A comprehensive list of Brooklyn's best BYOB restaurants

Enjoy the shinobi ramen at Shinobi Ramen with your own hand-selected booze. via Facebook

Wouldn’t it be cool if you could go out to dinner and be certain that your favorite alcoholic beverages were available, for around $3 per drink? Have we got news for you: Brooklyn has some awesome BYOB restaurants, so going out to eat and drinking cheap doesn’t have to exist only in your dreams.

A BYOB restaurant is a beautiful, cost-effective option often overlooked in a city where you’re constantly stuck $12 for something you already have in your fridge and could’ve poured into your own mason jar. We’re obviously not taking any kind of anti-bar stance here, but if you have a few odd beers at your apartment and want to get rid of them, why not take them out for a night on the town at at one of Brooklyn’s best BYOB restaurants? (more…)

01/12/17 3:12pm
DC for days: The Brokelyn guide to your Women's March weekend in Washington

You should protest, but you can go get a coffee, too. via Flickr user Paul Sableman

Even if you’re going to DC to protest the terrible, terrible thing that’s about to happen (and by a number of measures, has already happened) to America, it’s fine to enjoy the city while you do it.

Don’t get us wrong, we’re big believers in using your own two feet to send a message (and we’ll see you at the march!), but a city can also be enjoyed outside of its political mire, especially when the city is running so many deals to benefit charities during Inauguration Weekend. Yep, that’s happening.

We’ve put together a quickie city guide for three days in Washington DC, Jan 20-22. Like most of our guides, it’s full of cheap and free stuff, and includes a few worthwhile splurges. Whether you’re stuck there on 💀Inauguration Day💀  or the day after the Women’s March or all of the above, this guide offers food, drink and culture recommendations from a whole bunch of DC creative types as well as info about discounts, deals and other special happenings during the March. Go enjoy DC before Trump suffocates it in a coat of tacky gold paint. (more…)