Pointless amusement

Lady Liberty went dark Tuesday, here’s how six more iconic buildings might protest Trump

Something about the statue - via Wikimedia
Lady Liberty participated in the Day Without a Woman this week. Photo via Wikimedia

In a poignant (albeit random and totally unplanned) display, the Statue of Liberty went dark for a few hours Tuesday night due to a Parks Service lighting mix-up. Accidental or not, the blackout’s timing couldn’t have been better, coming days after the release of President Trump’s new travel ban (hell, The New Yorker even called it a month ago) and minutes before International Women’s Day, as if to say that Lady Liberty herself was striking alongside her sisters (early because she’s still on France time, obviously). But 2017 is a rough year for everyone, not just giant green women, so why should the Statue of Liberty be the only inanimate object protesting? Not to worry, we’ve got a few ideas of how the rest of the city’s non-human inhabitants might follow Lib’s lead and get in on the protest game.

The Empire State Building
Our city’s most iconic building is already accustomed to changing colors for holidays, sports and the whims of anyone who fills out a request form (yes, you truly can put in a request for an Empire State Building light show), so if anybody’s protesting, it’s gonna be this guy. Rather than do another themed color day as usual (snore), we’d suggest the building give in to the thirst for answers on the Trump administration’s ties to Russia and just mysteriously blink red every few minutes. Just as the fear that our president has been compromised by a foreign power boils under the surface, so too could the tower lose control and flash red, perhaps with a hammer and sickle flourish, periodically.

The New York Times Building
The heart of the news media and the entity responsible for the nightmare of Times Square has got to be pretty upset about Sean Spicer barring the Times and others from White House press briefings. So, in an act of solidarity with its reporters, expect to see all the doors and windows on the New York Times Building abruptly locked from the outside. There’s plenty to eat and drink in there and they can still report the news and look out at the world around them, but they won’t have any way to actually access current events first-hand.

All transit hubs besides the Port Authority Bus Terminal
Like Lady Liberty, NYC’s transit hubs would likely be quite upset about Trump’s executive orders on travel. The citizens of New York protested the first ban by flocking to the airports, but the airports and terminals themselves could stand in solidarity by forcing everyone to go through the Port Authority. If JFK, LaGuardia, Penn Station and Grand Central all went on strike, New Yorkers would get a real taste of travel under Trump when their only option is the depths of hell itself, the Port Authority Bus Terminal, a labyrinth of Dunkin’ franchises and odd smells.

Woodhull Medical Center
Bed-Stuy’s own Woodhull would likely be most worried about the state of healthcare and specifically the future of ACA. So, as the GOP’s healthcare bill moves ahead, Woodhull can protest by just getting a little bit worse all around. Much as the new bill is like Obamacare but with greater restrictions and less aid for the working class, Woodhull can keep operating but try a little less. There’s certainly still doctors, but they’re a little more expensive to see and maybe the lights flicker, maybe there’s a roach spotting, an elevator that won’t go to a particular floor, an eerily long wait-time and certainly only Fox on the patient televisions. This one will feel subtle at first, but anyone on Medicaid will certainly notice.

The Coney Island Cyclone
With the Trump administration’s negative attitude towards environmental regulations and with the EPA on the brink of survival, Brooklyn’s seaside roller coaster might want to take a stand. In fear that water levels will rise without environmental protection and government action against global warming, we suggest that the Cyclone symbolically speed things up by inching towards the ocean. Our finest/ricketiest coaster can give tourists a taste of things to come by previewing its imminent location halfway underwater.

Trump Tower
If you’ve participated in a protest in New York since the election, it’s probably started or ended on Fifth Avenue at the foot of the President’s golden eyesore, Trump Tower. The city has reportedly shelled out $18.7 million in security on the premises so far and frankly nobody’s more upset by that than the building itself. Trump Tower never asked to become the city’s number one protest destination or the source of any monumental debt, it just wanted to house some rich folks and maybe a Starbucks or two. That’s why it’s high time Trump Tower marches on itself. This one ought to be pretty easy, since Trump Tower is already at Trump Tower, but just know that the next time you see that 58-floor monstrosity, it’s not just at 725 Fifth Avenue by accident, it’s there as part of a political action!

So if you thought the Statue of Liberty going dark was a little on the nose, it’s going to be a long presidency. And that’s just our city’s inanimate objects; just wait until the rat population recuses itself from the subway to protest Jeff Sessions or until our former mayor loses his mind.

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