Time-sucking amusement

How to have the perfect ‘Girls’ viewing party

For instance, watch with your kinda sorta definitely not boyfriend
For starters, watch with your kinda sorta definitely not boyfriend

Cosmopolitan recently threw together a few recipes to have, in their words, “the ultimate Girls viewing party.” That’s all well and good we guess, but who on the show ever cooked or baked anything? No, if you want to have a viewing party that really captures the spirit of the show, you should come to people who would know what it means to struggle and sacrifice your dignity to the internet. So here are some tips from our staff to help you truly enjoy the misadventures of BK’s comic foursome.

The most important thing for you to do before the show starts is turn off your phone. Wouldn’t want to interrupt it with a call from a debt collector asking when you’re paying back your student loans. Nor would you want to give in to the drunken temptation to call your parents and ask them for money.

If you actually have cable

-Stay home and watch, where you can be free of pants. Make sure to have Facebook open to distract yourself from the moments that hit too close to home, but don’t fall too far down the rabbit hole that you start looking up exes, crushes, or more successful college rivals (they don’t deserve it like you do!).

-Invite a less successful college rival over to passive-aggressively show them how well you’re doing, with your fancy cable package.

-If your friends come over, which they will because they don’t have cable, make sure you dumpster-dove enough furniture for them to all sit on, or at least scoured Craiglist for all the free, non-matching loveseats your apartment can store.

-Make cocktails! Not like, cosmos or vodka Red Bulls, what are we, gainfully employed? Just combine the dregs of your leftover liquor together and pray it tastes good.

-Then, drink every time you recognize a location in Brooklyn or realize you’ve been in a similar situation. Drink twice if you’re including the moment in your memoir.

But what if you don’t have cable?

-Got a friend who does have cable? Perfect time to reconnect! Just make sure you bring some cheap wine from the liquor store down the corner. Lie and say it was expensive, pronounce the name with a fake French accent.

-Alternately, you’ve got two days to start hooking up with someone who does have cable. Try Brooklyn’s array of dive bars, just be careful. Leave a scarf or a hat behind so you have an excuse to pop over Sunday to grab it, and be sure to show up in your best thrift store duds to look maximally authentic and attractive.

-If you’re relying on your parents’ HBOgo, you’ve got a great opportunity to soak up all the details of the premiere: watch it multiple times with the different people you’re having sex with. Just make sure you pretend it’s the first time you’ve seen the episode each time.

Thanks to Katrina Casino, Meghan Doherty, Brynn Holland, Marti Zabell, Cat Wolinski, Rebecca Fishbein and Eric Silver

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