The problem with millennials isn’t so much the things we say and do, it’s more the embarrassing lengths that brands will go to just to sell us stuff. TGI Friday’s goes artisanal, Pepsi comes in the form of Caleb’s Kola, and now Budweiser is jumping on the bandwagon trying to trick millennials into buying their mass produced stuff by selling their macrobrew in expensive cases that are supposed to be vintage or something, because Christmas. We guess you can use them as moving boxes after you’re done with all the beers?
Yes, in order to try to replicate the success of AmeriCans, Budweiser is hoping that millennials who come across large wooden boxes of 18-packs of Bud will think that $40 is a totally fair price to pay for the same thing they could get for half the price. Just in case a heavy wooden case wasn’t enough to sway you, the beers will also have labels from either 1918, 1933 or 1976. You’re just gonna peel those off as a dead giveaway if your sexual tension though, so we don’t see what the big deal is about those.
We dunno guys, we get throwing yourselves on the altar of fickle millennial tastes, but haven’t you noticed that we just drifted to AmeriCans on our own, without you asking us to pay $40 for 18 beers in a wooden crate? Who knows why people get into the dumb shit they do? Sometimes it’s the result of secretive marketing from the Illuminati or other shadowy powers, but it doesn’t always happen like that, and especially not when it’s this aboveground. Just like the Times’ pretend self-awareness, this kind of putting on a backwards baseball cap to hide your receding hairline and telling kids you wanna rap with them kind of pandering is just sad.
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