Move over, brown goo in Gowanus, New York City has a new mystery to be collectively baffled by: Why has the American flag that proudly waves on top of the Brooklyn Bridge been replaced by the white flag of surrender? City Council member Mark Weprin spotted the flag and began asking questions this morning, and according to DNA Info, police are baffled and are looking at surveillance footage to see who could have pulled this off. Our theory? The Brooklyn Bridge, after standing tall for 131 years, is finally throwing in the towel.
We know it’s going to be a controversial theory, but Jesus, look at the world around us. Despite the fact that we’re living in the future, with so many miraculous advances in science surrounding us, life is still a hopeless slog through one river of bullshit or another, and then you die. Who gives a shit about the future? So far, all the future means is we work harder and get counted as being “more productive,” while those gains go right into our bosses pockets. Our great leaps forward in science haven’t led to any great leaps forward in kindness or understanding, they’ve merely made being a screeching asshole or bombing a wedding so easy you don’t even have to think about it.
You think the Bridge can’t see that? You think after 131 years of holding itself up, hopefully, looking for a better tomorrow, that maybe the Brooklyn Bridge is just tired of the day-to-day grind not equalling up to anything? That it’s as tired as we are of seeing whatever small steps towards compassion and understanding humanity takes get erased by a backflip of ugliness, war and greed? Frankly, we’re surprised it took this long for the Brooklyn Bridge to declare it was giving up. The only question now is whether we should.
Alternately, it could just be depressed because of all those stupid love locks.
Follow Dave for more theories at @DaveCoIon