Pointless amusement

15 smart alternatives to taking a ‘ballot selfie,’ since that shit is illegal

New York's a bummer, but we have solutions. via @huenemejen on IG
New York’s a bummer, but we have solutions. via @huenemejen on IG

Social media has played a bigger role than ever before in the 2016 election cycle, and it follows that we of the voting public have suddenly become adamant about sharing the details from our side of the ballot. The rise of the ‘ballot selfie’ has certainly been one of the more curious runoff issues from this year’s election, and watching three separate petitions to have them allowed in New York get shot down by a judge is equally uncanny.

In practice, yes, ballot selfies are bad. They hold up the voting line, add to the growing landfill of election-themed internet trivium, and seem to compromise the integrity of the democratic process by allowing the Sauron eye of the internet into a judgment-free space (which a curtained voting booth is certainly meant to afford).

But the idea of a ballot selfie is a good one. It’s a less wasteful “I Voted” sticker you can wear proudly on social media, not to mention a handy tool to help you shame those who chose not to vote this year. And Brokelyn is nothing if not the bad influence your mom warned you about, so we’ve compiled a list of sneaky above-the-law alternatives to the ballot selfie you can feel free to use as proof of your vote this coming Tuesday.

A ballot Tweet, with all the details of your ballot summed up in 140 characters or less and the hashtag #MyVote2016

The Ballot charcoal painting, a portrait of the very selfie you might have taken as rendered by a visual artist you accosted outside a Pratt classroom and paid to accompany you.

A ballot real estate rendering created by X Capital Property Group, featuring all the candidates you voted for on the ballot as fedora-wearing, dog-walking tenants against the backdrop of that high rise condo we call Life.

the post-ballot selfie, where you stand by the people in line to vote and spoil the end of the election for them.

The Bulleit selfie, a picture of yourself with the bottle of bourbon you’re going to chug for the rest of the day until the results are in.

A ballot impulse buy you treat yourself to after voting and then use as your social media share with a good caption about your vote, #ShopTheVote #YOLO #NewElecSHIRT2016.

A ballot long meandering story that you tell your grandkids one day when they’re living in a treehouse above the flooded earth.


via @taratodic on IG
Dance your vote. via @taratodic on IG

A ballet selfie, choreographed to reflect the candidates on the ballot as well as your choice for each, danced soulfully in a rehearsal studio immediately after voting and then uploaded to Vimeo, spliced into GIFs, and so on.

The ballot Seamless order you make to get food delivered to the polling site, with the details of your vote left in the “Special requests” section of your order.

A ballot daguerreotype, taken with chemical vapors so potent that no security official can reach you before passing out from the fumes, and set in a cameo pendant for you to wear.

The ballot Yelp review you leave after voting, narcing out the polling site cat you found wandering between the booths while you voted.

An /r/heresmyballot subreddit thread where you and dozens of other internet goons can log on to release the details of your ballots in CSS / HTML / JQuery / L33t.

Your balls-out selfie, a photo of you whipping your junk out in the bathrooms at the polling site and tagged “Donald Trump.”

A ballot bailout, in which you give to a bankrupt company in need and hope the tax return on your charitable donation is enough to show everyone how you voted (must be willing to wait until next year to share this info).

The ballot baby you conceive with your s/o directly after voting because you’re so fucking done with this election. Nine months from now, you name it “Jillary.”

Electoral jokes by Tim Donnelly (@timdonnelly) and Sam Corbin (@ahoysamantha). 

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