Superhero Supply’s new online shop—what’s cheap and cool

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Secret identity kits, $7.99.

The Brooklyn Superhero Supply Store has a brand new online store selling the “quality crimefighting merchandise” that helps pay for Dave Eggers’ creative-writing non-profit, 826NYC. So now Brooklynish parents everywhere have access to oddball gifts that make other kids’ parents think they’re weird. Like would it be cool, or not so cool, to give a kid one of five “secret identity kits” that instruct them on how to adopt the persona of one Bunny Lipton or Ruben Fletcher, in order to perform undercover operations without being detected? Answer: cool. It’s only $7.99. Onward…

Canned Intelligence, $12.99.

How about five ounces of canned intelligence? (And why isn’t there a larger size?) According to the catalog copy, it restores quickness to one-liner delivery, but does not guarantee improved performance on TV quiz shows or standardized tests. It also doesn’t protect against thin-skinned parents misperceiving your intentions. Maybe not totally cool for some people. Next, on to:

Strong vacuum suction cups, $18.50 a pair.

Suction cups, made from heavy-duty orange plastic and rubber, with four-inch-diameter cups that hold firmly to any smooth surface. Quick-release handles will lock cup into place. Super cool, but watch the ceiling paint. Finally…

Mutant Mind Probes, $20 a set.

A set of white molded porcelain mutant mind probes in 5-to-10-inch lengths. This gift, whatever it is: way cool. For parents.

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