Philadelphia punished with 2016 DNC instead of Brooklyn

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Enjoy it, suckers. Photoshop by Chris Giganti

The 2016 Democratic National Convention in Brooklyn was a threat looming over our city for months, despite the protestations of some attractive, influential local bloggers and local police unions. Today though, the clouds broke and the sun shined down on our fair city, as the bigwigs at America’s Other Party Run By Wall Street has chosen to punish the sinful population of Philadelphia with their traffic-snarling, security theatre nightmare of an event. Break out the “Is Philadelphia the new Brooklyn?” articles again!

According to the New York Times, Philadelphia was chosen in part because of the “enthusiasm” that former governor Ed Rendell promised the convention selection committee, in addition to the potential optics of Hillary Clinton giving her acceptance speech standing in front of Independence Hall instead of a weird giant space egg that has some kinda post-modern fake rust that looks like real rust.

Crain’s political reporter Andy Jayhawk also theorized that the Democrats didn’t want to be seen as puppets of the Clintons, who as we know are all about Brooklyn these days. We have our own theory as to why Philadelphia was picked instead of Brooklyn, but in the end we can’t say we’re that bummed that Mayor Tall and Bruce Ratner are missing out on a chance to increase their national profiles at the expense of making it completely goddamn impossible to cross the street around the Barclays Center.

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