As the 2016 presidential election draws to a close, your once-serious considerations about moving to Canada are looking less and less necessary every day. Not to jinx anything, but come Wednesday, even I, chief Canuck correspondent of Brokelyn, hope that Canada can once again be relegated to its neutered role as “America’s Hat.”
But just in case you’re still having inklings about a future exodus, here’s a music video making one last bid for you to move to Canada. Written by a Brooklyn-based duo of actors, Noel Carey and Julia Mattison (of Brooklyn Sound) and produced by Dan Crowley (of LIC-based rock band The Hog), the music video parodies the Beach Boys’ “Kokomo” by setting the chorus instead “Canada.”
Soothing late 80s-style crooners in hunting hats and flannel promise “vacation days and health care nights” in a catchy, calming rhythm you’ll recognize right away from your prom days. And as stereotype-heavy as this video is — maple syrup trees, polar bears on cross-country skis — it’s not entirely wrong about the merits of moving to Canada.
“I hear poutine is ootta sight,” for example, is a fair statement to make. As is this other lyric: “Quebec, Regina, don’t grab my vagina.”
Of course, the idea of “a foreign place / where we can go at a slower pace” isn’t limited to Canada. There are plenty of viable cities to hide in around the world, a handful of which might even feel like being in Brooklyn. And as you may know, I’m not a big fan of New Yorkers who jump ship for Canada, regardless of the circumstances.
We may as well cryogenically freeze all references to Canada until we need them again, if another horrific candidate does come along. Still, if by some freak chance Trump becomes president (jfc knock on wood), then by all means come right back to this video and let it sing you softly across the border.
Sam is Brokelyn’s chief Canadian correspondent. See what she’s all aboot: @ahoysamantha