It was nuts: The 2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant

After the rousing success of last year’s Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant, it was almost guaranteed there would be a sequel. After all, summer blockbuster rules require it. Lo and behold, the sequel took place on Saturday at Bushwick’s Kings County Bar, and fortunately for the packed to capacity crowd, the ballsy contestants delivered another memorable evening of performances. Confidence was key as always for these men with pint-size peckers and Peter North-sized hearts, but there could only be one winner. This year, it was a contestant named Rajkumar, who wowed the crowd with his sensitivity and Bollywood dance skills.

Like last year’s win by Nick Gilronan, aka the Delivery Man, Rajkumar (real name: Rajeer Gupta) won the crowd over with a combination of talent and earnestness. Raj had the crowd rooting for him almost immediately, using the question-and-answer portion in the beginning to tell host Chicken Bitches that his favorite thing to do in bed was kissing, causing all the girls in the audience to faint from the cuteness of it all.

When he’s not winning penis-based competition, Raj told us that he came to New York via Indiana, where he’d gone to school, after being raised in New Delhi. Gupta told us that he’d always dreamed of being a Bollywood dancer, so the competition allowed him to step out of his comfort zone and have fun with it. He credited his upbringing with his pride in his mini-member, telling us”In India, love is placed high above sex. So penis size is least important. I have learned from India it is all about love.”

Presumably, it also helped Raj that women haven’t complained about it. “I am a certified pleasure maker,” he said in a way that somehow managed to not be creepy at all.