Not dickin’ around: ‘Smallest penis’ contest in Bushwick

by -
In this case, shrinkage is preferred

Usually when it comes to penis size, you’ll find guys lining up to talk about how huge they are. Or, we guess, we haven’t really had a chat like that in awhile. But hey, outside of taking questionable pills, it’s not like can do anything to make your dick bigger. So for those of you a little less endowed, King Kings County Bar, in Bushwick (duh) is holding a contest to determine who in Brooklyn has the smallest penis. You’ve gotta be pretty ballsy to enter this, huh?

Gothamist got (just) the tip on the party, which will take place on July 20 at 5pm. You don’t actually have to bare all, you’ll be provided with a pair of wet underwear to throw on and dance around. Frankly, we think you’d have to be nuts to enter, but whether or not entering the contest is a giant boner or not is really up to you. If you do enter, make sure you’re cocky about it, it’d be a shame if you shrank under the pressure. Or maybe that would work to your advantage?

There’s no word on what kind of unit of measurement will be used to determine the smallest penis, but hopefully things will stay above the level and no one will get shafted. Especially since the winner gets a cash reward that’s supposed to go to charity. Although you and your tiny penis can count as charity, according to the bar. If you’re dying to see if you measure up to BK’s finest tiniest shoot an email to SPB.brooklyn [at], and then get ready to show off what the good Lord didn’t give you.

In the meantime, it’s Friday and there’s no way you’re working anymore, so why not spend the rest of the time in the office making penis puns in the comments?

Related Articles


This article was originally published in January, 2015. The class is still running at The Cobra Club once to twice a week.I find that...


Cutty Sark is curating a Bushwick music series this November and December. {sponsored}


The Bushwick Community Plan will be discussing the 'potential of historic districts' in the area to help preserve some of the nabe's unprotected gems.


Drinks are on the house at Mood Ring's grand opening party tomorrow night. Don't forget your ID or your star sign.


Leave a Reply