So awhile back, we gave you some tips about living in the McKibbin Lofts. The post proved to be controversial, oddly enough. But now we’re going to have to update it with some new relevant information: apparently management has had it with you rotten kids and your rock and roll music and has decreed that there shall be no more parties. The buildings’ conversion to luxury condos is right around the corner, we imagine.
ANIMAL got a tip from one of their readers that management put up flyers that declared:
1. NO PARTIES ARE ALLOWED IN THE BUILDING
2. THE POLICE DEPARTMENT WILL BE CALLED AND WILL
SHOT DOWN THE PARTY
3. IF YOU ARE PLANNING TO HAVE A SMALL GATHERING,
PLEASE CONTACT OUR SECURITY PERSONAL, SO THEY KNOW
AHEAD OF TIME
[sic] throughout, of course. I can’t say I’m too surprised. The building appeared to be going through the beginning stages of Loft Law compliance when I lived there, and given the money that goes into bringing that ridiculous place up to code, Bamboo Hills, the company that owns the buildings, probably wants to squeeze everything they can out of it. Which, according to my old landlord when I called him, is kind of difficult with the parties. “They kept damaging the building,” is all he told me when asked about the new policy. When I asked if there was anything that happened recently, he got agitated and repeated the line about damaging the building.
I’m skeptical of the idea that it’s getting too expensive to put up with the parties. When I was moving out, brokers showing my apartment kept talking about how they were turning my four-bedroom into a five-bedroom, and jacking the rent from $2500/month to $4000. Which is a goddamn ridiculous amount to pay to live in bedrooms with no windows, even before you get a policy that says having a few people over has to be cleared by building security. Of course, I could just be bitter, since this law-and-order policy didn’t exist when my roommate asked what we could do about living next door to the world’s shittiest house DJ and he was greeted with a shrug.
I don’t know if this is the smartest thing to do with the incoming wave of Bushwick tourists though. McKibbin could have positioned itself as an authentic party spot where anything could happen. Now what’s special about it? Who knows, maybe they’ll keep one apartment in the usual state of dishevelment, like how the Tenement Museum exists in old tenements.
This is just the natural order of things I guess. The McKibbin Lofts, while not all that nice, are in a suddenly prime location. You can’t attract I-bankers, people who really like khaki shorts and people who worry that the city will fall apart without Mike Bloomberg if there are crazy parties every weekend. But now at least, we know the order of how you bring a party loft to heel. First you actually start enforcing the ban on smoking in the hallway, then you put an alarm on the roof to keep people off it, and finally you make building security into narcs. They probably won’t even help you buy weed anymore, which I’m going to go ahead and say is the biggest tragedy out of all of this.
But buck up, remaining party people of McKibbin. To paraphrase our murderiest president, Andrew Jackson, Bamboo Hills has made their decision. Now let them enforce it.
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