1. Legion hosts a comedy show that’s chock full of Brokelyn as our pals Jo Firestone and Sue Smith perform at Cool Show (not lame). Sounds cool (Friday)
2. Rooftop Films will give you a whole new pickup line after you see Fuck for Forest, a movie that asks the question “Can sex save the planet?” Our rockin’ van says yes, ladies (Friday)
3. Or stay off the roof and see a movie anyway when stoned teenagers Bill S. Preston and Theodore “Ted” Logan travel through time meeting luminaries like So Crates, in Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure (Friday)
4. Dive in to the Gowanus. No, not the canal. Dive in to their delicious restaurants to help raise money to clean up the gross canal that runs though the neighborhood (Friday)
5. Celebrate National Thrift Store Day with some sweet deals on things you didn’t even know you needed at the Salvation Army, the Lower East Side Ecology Center, Film Biz Recycling and more (Saturday)
6. MoCADA kicks off their Soul of Brooklyn week with a performance by abstract hip-hop group Shabazz Palaces. They’re from Seattle, but that’s OK. Part of the soul of Brooklyn is being welcoming (Saturday)
7. You have two awesome reasons to hang out at Rippers: the first is the Restore Rockaway benefit featuring EULA and Shark?. No, that’s their name, it has a question mark (Saturday)
8. And the second is to catch a bunch of the best short films from the Queens World Film Festival, down on the beach in front of it. Either way, you can eat delicious hamburgers and hang out by the beach (Saturday)
9. Say goodbye to Rooftop Films summer program for the year (daw) by watching one last collection of amazing short films. Then ponder the cruelty that is summer being so short (Saturday)
10. Or consider another marker of time passing (and you getting old) by dancing way better than 90s-era you could have at Crazy Since Da 90s (Saturday)
11. Hey Queen! wants to take you down to Miami. As long as it’s just musically and not architecturally, we’re OK with it (Saturday)
12. The Grand Victory, in a move after our own broken hearts, is holding a funeral dance party for the summer. Dress in black, because it’s NOT LIKE IT’S TOO HOT FOR THAT ANYMORE (Saturday)
13. Hang out on the lawn of one of New York’s oldest houses, listen to Ava Luna and enjoy some Korean tacos all in the same day, only at the Out in the Streets Festival. But if you know somewhere else to do all those at once, please do tell us (Saturday and Sunday)
14. The Brooklyn Beer and Wine Festival is not only a great place to sample some of BK’s best alcohol, but also a great excuse to keep drinking and claim you’re “just getting in the spirit of things” (Sunday)
15. It’s a ladies-only surf workshop down in Rockaway, where you can learn surfboard repair, get some swag and no one will laugh at you for being a squid (Sunday)
16. Design house Runaway Passport is having a party at Secret Project Robot. Even if you don’t know about fashion, you do know about live music and drinks. You know that you like those (Sunday)
17. Presentation Party Night is celebrating three years of teaching you things you didn’t know with presentations from some of the smartest people who live in Bushwick. Huh. They must not realize we live there (Sunday)
18. Remember the cruelty of your middle school years at Ridgefield Middle School Talent Nite. Don’t worry, you can laugh at them, it’s supposed to be funny, and the performers aren’t really middle school kids (Sunday)
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Palaceer Lazaro, the front man for Shabazz Palaces, used to be known as Butterfly of the legendary Digable Planets from Brooklyn. About as Brooklyn as you can get actually.
White boy neglects to do research, shows his stunning ignorance about hip hop. News at 11.