Get your rug back and 13 other free ways to achieve this week

1. It’s your first chance to Run From the Police this year, but instead of fleeing authority, you’re just laughing at comedians like Josh Rosen and Maya Klausner at Muchmore’s (Monday)

2. Freestyle Mondays is celebrating eleven years of hosting the baddest ciphers in Brooklyn. Now try to rhyme something with that line (Monday)

3. Hear the weird life story of someone who was basically raised by self-help books and how it screwed her up more than it helped at the release party for Jessica Lamb-Shapiro’s Promise Land (Tuesday)

4. The Knights of Bruklyn are bringing the home brew equivalent of a jousting competition to Union Hall, and invite you to sample their finest home brewed beer in ye olde Kings County (Tuesday)

5. Women can get any lingering health concerns taken care of at the Brooklyn Free Clinic’s first Women’s Health Night (Wednesday)

6. Are you a lesbian thinking of starting a family? Learn everything you need to know about it at the Family Planning Panel and Discussion at the Brooklyn Community Pride Center (Wednesday)

7. Relive the epic story of The Dude and his quest to get his rug back, as Brooklyn Bowl shows The Big Lebowski on all of their giant screens (Wednesday)

8. Put you name in the hat and try out a new sketch character or story you’ve been working on at Over the Eight’s Split Personality open mic night (Thursday)

9. Get some lessons on how to think like Sherlock Holmes, which will be useful the next time someone frames you for murder (Thursday)

10. Or learn why all the reasons people usually tell you you’re single are complete bullshit, as Modern Love’s Sara Eckel comes to Book Court with her book It’s Not You: 27 (Wrong) Reasons You’re Single (Thursday)

11. Keep your standards for laughs high while laughing at terrible movies at Low Standards at Videology (Thursday)

12. Get cultured and hang out at the bar at the same time by helping create an improvised opera (with real trained opera singers) at Opera on Tap at Freddy’s Bar (Thursday)

13. See what’s up in Brooklyn’s pictocube industry by watching the efforts of Brooklyn filmmakers at Pine Box Rock Shop’s BK Moving Picture Makers (Friday)

14. Head On celebrates one year of pitting DJs against each other by holding a rematch of haughty Britpop artists against equally haughty indie pop artists (Friday)

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