Find a charming man at a Morrissey dance party, 17 other weekend ideas

1. The Brooklyn Public Library’s Four & Twenty Blackbirds cafe is opening, so go and get you some pie and a book (Friday)

2. The Museum of Natural Mystery is a uh…something at the Bell House, that has death metal burlesque, a Please Touch booth, a dance party and much more. Mostly it sounds too weird to miss (Friday)

3. The upcoming edition of dance party Hey Queen! is called Man Eater, because isn’t it about time we had a misandrist dance party? Yes, yes it is (Friday)

4. Spring is almost here, so it’s time to get sexy at Videology by making out to some 90s-era music videos, which you missed out on in the 90s because what were you, like, 6 back then? (Friday)

5. Cheap Date Comedy at Union Hall is the comedy show with the best chance of impressing a potential date, both because there are laughs AND free snacks. Dates love free snacks! (Saturday)

6. Stop by the Vegan Shop-Up at Pine Box Rock Shop, because your spring cleaning is gonna make you hungry for ethical food, and also booze probably (Saturday)

7. Green-Wood Cemetery, usually home of dead things, will be giving out life in the form of free trees and free compost (Saturday)

8. Piper Kerman of Orange is the New Black will be hosting a panel at the Brooklyn Museum on prison reform and to remind you all that she’s a real person damn it (Saturday)

9. A Mario Kart competition at The Diamond is the kind of drunk driving we can get behind (Saturday)

10. Feeling Gloomy is devoting their St. Patrick’s Day weekend dance party to Morrissey, so stick to the theme and skip the drunken regretful sex and just go straight to the crying and recriminations (Saturday)

11. Spectacle Theater invites you to their Slayground, which fortunately is just a weird movie about a minor league hockey team owner hiring contract killers, and not a place where you’ll be murdered (Saturday)

12. Watch five hours of Star Trek episodes where everyone blows off the Prime Directive. Did you understand any of that? Congratulations, we got you something (Sunday)

13. Kings County Distillery invites you to the Navy Yard for a tour of their magical liquor-making facilities, some history on illegal whiskey manufacturing and most importantly, a tasting (Sunday)

14. Let’s Get Pregnant With Comedy invites you to Hank’s to enjoy things you can’t actually enjoy when you’re pregnant like drinking, laughter and life in general (Sunday)

15. Get together with a bunch of people who are all reading their own books at Muchmore’s Silent Reading Party. Expect a bunch of shushing (Sunday)

16. Learn about bike generators, crossword puzzles and your death at this month’s Presentation Party Night. Be sure to take especially good notes on the death part (Sunday)

17. It’s Macauly Culkin Show co-host Brett Davis’ birthday and he’s not into the idea of celebrating, so expect a lot of jokes at his expense until he wigs out on everyone (Sunday)

18. Mara Wilson is bringing a bunch of comedians to Union Hall and grilling them on what they’re afraid of. Us? We have no fear, we’re more about crippling self-doubt (Sunday)