Bed Stuy/ Bushwick

Bunch of nuts return with second annual Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant

smallest penis in brooklyn pageant
Runner up Rip van Dinkle will be back, trying to claim the prize he almost grabbed last year. Photo by Mary Dorn

Last year, the world was taken by storm by the genius of the Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant, a competition that determined which of Brooklyn’s less well-endowed gentleman had the personality and the pint-size pecker that would make them Brooklyn’s most famous cocksman. And because the only thing better than one pageant devoted to small penises is a second pageant devoted to small penises, the Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant will be back for a second go-round at Kings County Bar on June 14 of this year. Hooray!

According to a press release from the pageant organizers, the tiny peens will be in competition on June 14, with doors opening at 2pm at Kings County Bar (286 Seigel Street). Based on our experience last year, we’d get there early if we were you, because people were really into this thing, considering all the insanity you get for just $5. Plus, while last year’s champ, Nick Gilronan, has retired with his sex kitten to a life of less publicized penis pageantry, runner up Rip van Dinkle will be on hand to recite some poetry and battle for the top prize again.

Like last year, judges won’t just take size into consideration, they’ll also see how contestants hold up during both evening wear and bathing wear competitions, the kind of talent and personality they’re packing. And, like las year, the word is out that dudes with big dicks who want to crash the party and show off will “be humiliated” in the words of the organizers. If you’d like to enter the contest though, you can shoot an email to  SPB.Brooklyn [AT] The winner gets both fame and fortune, with a cash donation to the charity of their choice, although you can be your own charity.

And, if anyone can make it happen, the SPB organizers are publicly lobbying Miley Cyrus to be a judge, since she expressed interest in it after last year’s contest. So if you know someone, say something.

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