Life is a grind. Via Craigslist.

Maybe you’re about to dump someone but it’s their birthday and you feel bad. So you, a true gentlebro for the ages, decide to buy her a Vitamix blender — and what a nice blender it is! — as a parting gift. This is a terrible idea, as evidenced in this Craigslist ad a Brooklyn woman posted a few days ago, in which she absolutely frappes, shreds, purees and ice crushes the corporate lawyer who did this to her. It opens with the caveat “never date a corporate lawyer” and goes on to include tidbits like this:

“He clearly wants to break up, but makes you do it. It’s the day after your birthday. A few days later, this Vitamix arrives at your door. Either he wants you back, or he does not understand the human species.”

She’s selling the blender for about $50 less than Amazon, which ain’t a bad deal if you want such a fancy blender. She notes that she is available for dates.

Read the whole thing here, it’s glorious.

(h/t Danielle Tcholakian)

Related Articles

0

Cuffing season is over. Spring is in the air. Pheromones are fully excreting. Don’t look now, but your libido is showing, and it’s unsettling...

1

Opening a fusion Spanish/Chinese food restaurant in Chelsea is a far riskier business venture than the act of acquiring said store's signage after it...

1

Break-ups: they happen to us all, and it happens to our besties. So what are we (as good friends) supposed to do? Distract. Nothing...

0

We've all been there: waiting patiently for your Tinder date to arrive as the anticipation swells. You're mad at yourself. You said repeatedly in...

NO COMMENTS

Leave a Reply