‘Broad City’ episode 3: Abbi wrecks the Gowanus Whole Foods

Abbi just strolling on the Carroll Street bridge with her life-sized tooth friend
Abbi just strolling on the Carroll Street bridge with her life-sized tooth friend

This week on Broad City we’re in Brooklyn, whoo hoo! Abbi gets her wisdom teeth removed by Lincoln (we recognize the exterior of the dental office on N. 6 and Driggs) and ends up on a drug-addled quest to the Gowanus Whole Foods where she manages to spend $1,487.50. She doesn’t buy any of the absurd items we catalogued, but makes a mess in the bulk foods aisle, knocks down a stack of “earth friendly cereals,” and shatters a jar of Manuka honey.

Ilana plays loving, incompetent nurse, doubling Abbi’s vicodin dosage, making her drink a weed smore almond milk smoothie called a “firecracker” and drawing clown face on her when she passes out. She sends Jamie off to “42 Squirts” (which looks like the 16 Handles on N. 6th St) to procure Abbi some “Abbi flavored yogurt, you’ll know it when you see it” she tells him, where he panics amidst all the choices (“sizzurp” and “nicotine” are among the flavors) and closes the shop down, to the distress of a young yogurt-slinger played by Brokelyn darling and comedic mastermind Jo Firestone!

Our girl Jo "Fro Yo" Firestone
Our girl Jo “Fro Yo” Firestone

While Ilana is taking a break from care-taking to do some dirty face-timing with Lincoln, Abbi hallucinates the stuffed animal tooth Lincoln gave her, Bingo Bronson, to life, and they run off together on an adventure to Whole Foods. “The neighborhood’s really changed. It’s a whole new Gowanus,” says the tooth. Bingo acts as her bad conscience: “Use your new credit card, Abbi. You got it because you thought you needed more than one card to be an adult,” and makes cracks like “Quick, let’s get this into a bunker before the big one hits.” Was that a #snowpocalypse joke, Bingo?

Ilana tracks down Abbi thanks to a phone call from the bank alerting her to unusual activity with her card and brings her home. And it turns out, the vicodin-and-weed-induced 23-minute-long voicemail Abbi left neighbor crush Jeremy worked to her advantage; the next day when he sees her in the hall, he totally agrees to go out with her! I guess that means I should do that with my next crush, and it’ll totally work, right? Life hack? 

The week’s three best moments:

–Abbi’s Drew Barrymore impressions in the cab ride home from the dentist.

–Abbi’s psychedelic dance sequences a la That 70’s Show. At this point I’m hoping Abbi dances in every episode to come.

–The conversation Abbi and Ilana have while she’s all drugged up: “Would you rather lick a dead man’s penis, or have sex with the same person for the rest of your life?” “Penis.” “Would you rather eat ice cream for five hours straight, or shoot someone in the knee?” “Knee.”

Broad City’s Brokester tip of the week: Nude modeling at art classes for extra dough! But maybe don’t sign up at your best friend’s class where you’ll distract and embarrass her by making goofy faces and human contortionist poses (cough Ilana cough cough).

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