August horoscopes: Harsh post-eclipse insights for Virgos

Set your heart free and allow the solar eclipse to work it’s zodiac magic on you today and in weeks to come. Except for you Virgos and Scorpios. Get your shit together.


Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? Like, really stopped and looked? You’ve been chasing that dream/thing/person for a very long time now, and what has that process done to your mental health? We all fall for “schemes,” and sometimes something that is too good to be true is actually exactly what you wanted/needed/deserved. But is this one of those moments? It’s okay to say that you were wrong with this pursuit. No one will judge you. Actually, many will applaud your ability to see your self-worth and ability to take care of yourself.


Don’t be distracted by the dwindling solar eclipse mania, or your fear that you and everyone you know is now blind. You’ve allowed your responsibilities to fall to the wayside this summer, and it’s starting to show. You’re flaking on friends, work and beaus. They’ve been patient long enough, if you don’t make some drastic improvement in the very near future, the repercussions of your laziness and selfishness are going to be dire. Sounds harsh? Because it is. No one is allowed to shit on the time of others and expect to be awarded for doing the bare minimum.


It’s time to make a selfish choice, Libra. You’ve been a saint. But saintly-hood can be mentally exhausting, no matter how much goodwill you are spreading among the world. Grab your debit card, and hit the stores. Treat yo’ self! If material objects aren’t your thing, grab a bestie and go on a road trip. Let the world come to you and reward you for good deeds. Just remember, being an amazing person is exhausting, and if you aren’t fully taking care of yourself are you really taking care of others around you?


Photo by Erich Ferdinand / Flickr
Photo by Erich Ferdinand via Flickr


You’ve been given a chance to clean the slate; with last year being pretty rough for you emotionally and mentally, hold your head high knowing you made it through with your sanity intact. It may have been a humbling year but you’ve learned so much about yourself and those around you. As you embark on a new year it’s time to remember the lessons learned, swallow your pride and lean on your friends. You aren’t a super human. We all need help, and asking for help is the greatest lesson you’ve ever been taught. Also, whatever you’re doing with your hair, it looks great.


Oh babe. Get your shit together. You are a mess, and the first step is just admitting it, okay? We’ve all been there and it’s never fun to watch our friends go down a rabbit hole of bad thoughts. Treat this solar eclipse as a sign from the world of unexpected change to come. But first you got to put some work in. Admit that you are heartbroken. Admit that things didn’t go as planned. Go into your bathroom, lock the door and cry in the bathtub for an extended period of time. Finally allow yourself to release. Then wipe your eyes and go outside to see the beauty and endless options waiting for your first move.


You’ve buckled down. You’ve budgeted wisely. You’ve admitted that the way to make your student loans disappear is to actually admit they exist. BRAVO! Keep up the good work. Unexpected money is going to fall into your lap, but beware of frivolous spending. A special treat for you is totally acceptable, but the majority of that money should be going to some people that leant a hand in your time of need. The greatest type of friend is the friend that Venmos you on time.


Photo by Adzie Abdul / Flickr
Photo by Adzie Abdul via Flickr


Capricorn, what is with the negative thoughts when it comes to romance? Your bitter disdain for all things Tinder, dating, and love has become pretty redundant. Either admit that you are afraid of jumping in to a new relationship or just admit that you don’t want a relationship right now. That is 100% okay. No one is saying you must be coupled off by the time you hit your 30’s. That is just the ugly voice in your head. Screw that voice. If you want to be free, be free. If you want to meet a new guy at a bar and then let him finger you under the table without ever asking for his digits, go for it! Welcome to your sexual awakening, it’s been waiting for you.


Oh boy. You are in for A LOT of changes in all departments, Pisces. Buckle up, its gunna be rough. Just remember, you can handle this. Take care of yourself. Get to the gym. Vocalize your needs to your family and friends. Ask for help. The work you are about to put in will open doors you didn’t even dream would be a possibility for years, but carrying the mental load alone will only end with you burning and crashing. You’ve surrounded yourself around some pretty great people, allow them to show you that you are pretty great yourself.


Photo by Paul Mitchell / Flickr
Photo by Paul Mitchell via Flickr


These feelings of melancholy are not in your head, Aquarius. You are sad, and honestly you aren’t sure why. Everything seems to be in order, but it feels as if something is missing. That is because something is missing. Only you can figure out what needs to be added into your life to be fulfilled. But if you don’t start searching soon, you will quickly become emotionally spent, and make others antsy by proxy. It may feel selfish to take time to discover your needs, but it’s not. Suck it up, and go find some happiness, buttercup.


The world is your oyster, Cancer! The stars have aligned, so strike while the iron is hot! There is no wrong choice in this situation. Follow the waves of your impulsive side. Maybe it’s calling out of work and grabbing a boozy brunch with a close friend, or buying a Powerball ticket, or maybe it’s time to call that person that you’ve lost touch with and apologize for not being there when they needed you. Whatever your heart wants you to focus on will be rewarded emotionally tenfold.


This has been an expensive summer for you, Gemini. Time to take a chill pill. You’ve been the queen of the summah, and yes, that white bathing suit looks amazing, but when was the last time you checked your credit card bills, let alone your credit score? Oh, it’s been a while? Yeah, time to stop that frivolous spending and… Get. Your. Shit. Together. Living in Brooklyn is a treasure and you must make monthly payments monthly.


Let’s start listening to your body, Aries. Those creaks and sudden pains aren’t just random. Commit consciously that your health must come first right now. Those extra hours at work, followed by much needed happy hours have done some damage to your body, but it is reversible. Grab a yoga mat, put down the Pop-Tarts and grab some greek yogurt. Your mind and gut (and poops) will thank you.

Wouldn’t you love all this Brokeing news in your inbox? Subscribe!

Leave a Reply