30 people who are not hipsters and have beards

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Hipsters the lot of you.

It is a common fact that the only reason people in America have beards in this day and age is because they were transfixed by the trendy face sorcery mastered by the young men of Brooklyn, who trained themselves to push hair follicles through their face seemingly with little effort, and sometimes even while sleeping. This is why the Times informed us that the “Brooklyn beard” went mainstream this year, and why DNAinfo pins this beard transplant surgery trend squarely on “the hipsters from Williamsburg to Park Slope.” While it seems nearly inconceivable that anyone outside of Brooklyn could figure out how to grow a beard, we did some digging: did you know that people who do not live in Brooklyn, or even Portland, have beards? We found as many as 30 examples:

plato1
1. Plato
________

2. Your grandpa
________

Se also: Willy, Jasper
Se also: Willy, Jasper

3. The Sea Captain
________

3015832-poster-p-tweets-and-twangs-duck-dynasty-dominates-twitter-ratings
4. Racists/homophobes
________
shamen5. Shamen
________
072513-MLB-SF-Brian-Wilson-PI-AA_20130725120550820_660_3206. Brian Wilson
________
douchebagsrrr7. Jersey beach going MTV garbage types
________
I said "hop in."
I said “hop in.”

8. Recluses
________

grant
9. Ulysses S. Grant
________
dale jr beard10. Dale Earnhardt Jr.
________
bear mag11. Bears (gay and/or wildlife)
________
kitty_carpet_female_merkin_112. Vaginas
________
nhl13. Two-time Olympic gold medal winner and New York Rangers superstar Rick Nash
________
Beard can't grow outside of Brooklyn.
Beard can’t grow outside of Brooklyn.

14. The bearded men of space station 11
________

tumblr_lgcu6nqjJ91qz762fo1_50015. World Series champion Mookie Wilson
________
brucewillis-whatjusthappened-590x35016. Bruce Willis
________
josephine_clofullia17. Josephine Clofullia
________
teen-wolf18. Teen Wolf
________
Rasputin-Big-photos-2-crop19. Rasputin
________
tumblr_lvpe5sxV3D1r1kpe1o1_50020. Hagrid
________
hasid21. Hasids
________
Neckbeard-Reddit22. Redditors
________
1101960415_40023. Ted Kaczynski
________
pitchmen-billy-mays-1040cs07051224. Billy Mays (RIP)
________
al borland25. Al Borland
________
hipster santa26. Claus, Santa
________
alec-guinness-star-wars-obi-wan27. Kenobi, Obi-Wan
________
capt caveman28. Captain Caveman
_______
Zangief-alpha3-fixed29. Zangief
________
12122-is-michele-bachmanns-husband-an-ex-gay-reparative-therapist
30. Marcus Bachmann
______
Do YOU know of people who aren’t hipsters who have beards?  We won’t believe you until you tell us in the comments!
(Additional beard reporting by David Colon)

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4 COMMENTS

  1. No Kurt Russell? The Thing? Escape from NY? He’s a staple of bearded Halloween costume options! He’s vastly beardier than Bruce Willis.

    Nice job on the Bearded Men of Space Station 11 tho.

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