It is a common fact that the only reason people in America have beards in this day and age is because they were transfixed by the trendy face sorcery mastered by the young men of Brooklyn, who trained themselves to push hair follicles through their face seemingly with little effort, and sometimes even while sleeping. This is why the Times informed us that the “Brooklyn beard” went mainstream this year, and why DNAinfo pins this beard transplant surgery trend squarely on “the hipsters from Williamsburg to Park Slope.” While it seems nearly inconceivable that anyone outside of Brooklyn could figure out how to grow a beard, we did some digging: did you know that people who do not live in Brooklyn, or even Portland, have beards? We found as many as 30 examples:
________
2. Your grandpa
________
3. The Sea Captain
________
________
5. Shamen________
6. Brian Wilson________
7. Jersey beach going MTV garbage types________
8. Recluses
________
________
10. Dale Earnhardt Jr.________
11. Bears (gay and/or wildlife)________
12. Vaginas________
13. Two-time Olympic gold medal winner and New York Rangers superstar Rick Nash________
14. The bearded men of space station 11
________
15. World Series champion Mookie Wilson________
16. Bruce Willis________
17. Josephine Clofullia________
18. Teen Wolf________
19. Rasputin________
20. Hagrid________
21. Hasids________
22. Redditors________
23. Ted Kaczynski________
24. Billy Mays (RIP)________
25. Al Borland________
26. Claus, Santa________
27. Kenobi, Obi-Wan________
28. Captain Caveman_______
29. Zangief________
______
Related Articles
The most popular dog names of 2018 are here
Superhero names are where it’s at this year.
‘Flex in Brooklyn’: What tourists are taught to believe about the subway
We scoured the travel section to discover what New York’s visitors expect when they go underground.
4 Comments
Leave a Reply
They forgot to add Commander Riker.
No Kurt Russell? The Thing? Escape from NY? He’s a staple of bearded Halloween costume options! He’s vastly beardier than Bruce Willis.
Nice job on the Bearded Men of Space Station 11 tho.
Kurt Russell is a space alien.
Uh, beards do grow in space?