Born here and likely going to die here if high rents don’t drive us out first, native New Yorkers are a special breed of human born evolutionarily adapted for survival within the five boroughs. Without exception, we exit the womb reciting our favorite quotes from The Warriors in a heavy accent before proceeding to decry the state of public transit in Yiddish. Internationally acclaimed for our cranky but perseverant nature, dope food, and exquisite beauty, native New Yorkers are difficult to impress, but here are some gifts that just might make us smile:
1. A gift-wrapped hunk of subway wall.
— Pat Kiernan (@patkiernan) November 26, 2017
2. A single swipe MetroCard.
3. A patent for the act of forgetting about it as well as a trademark for the word Fuhgeddaboudit.
4. A forehead tattoo of Spike Lee’s Absolut Brooklyn Vodka label.
5. A purifying filter for East River water which turns it into Bud Light.
6. Cuomo in an elf suit and ready to listen.
7. An unlimited pass for the Cyclone which does not require ever exiting the ride.
8. A sleepover party in the crown of the Statue of Liberty for the giftee and 200 of their closest friends
10. A Groupon for one morning commute without any delays or overcrowding.
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