03/10/17 5:50pm
Get nasty.

Get nasty.

It may seem hypocritical, but sometimes the best way to fight capitalism is with capitalism. As the Trump administration turns Idiocracy and Black Mirror from a dystopian film and TV show into Nostradamus-level prophesies, our tax dollars are spent on militarizing the perimeter of Trump Tower, and we are berated on a daily basis by news of new lows in the history of democracy, it is hard to think beyond the mentality of fear the current administration has imposed on us. One silver-lining, however, is that where there are strong negative emotions, there is often great art, and ever since the election cycle, people have been churning out anti-Trump merchandise faster than you could say “bad hombre”

Because we defend your first amendment right to shout “Trump sucks!” from the rooftops, Brokelyn has rounded up the best of said joke merchandise on the web right now. If you have a few dollars to spare, donate them to Planned Parenthood, the ACLU or another local charity that needs and deserves your money. But after that, buy yourself one of these neat items. You deserve it for living under the Trump Administration and going about your daily life instead of curling into the fetal position and crying in bed all day. (more…)

01/17/17 2:15pm
What's your sign gonna say? via IG user @an_gerra

What’s your sign gonna say? via IG user @an_gerra

Just a few days from now, hundreds of thousands will gather in Washington, DC to march in protest of Donald Trump’s presidency and the threats it poses to women’s (i.e. human) and reproductive rights. Like every powerful protest, it’s sure to feature some pretty good signage. Heck, no matter where you’re marching this weekend, you’re going to want something to hold up, a message or image that resonates with others.

But what does that mean? What makes a good protest sign, and what should your goal be in making one? Should you use all caps? Should you avoid swearing? And what images and symbols are most eye-catching to those whose eye you’re looking to catch?

All this, and more answers, can be yours with the help of this handy Brokelyn guide to protest signs. We’ve rounded up a number of sign-making workshops and parties happening around the borough, and got tips from local experts (read: frequent demonstrators) on how to punch up or punch down powerfully with your protest sign. (more…)

11/14/16 3:37pm
If you don't hate women, cool it with the 'grab her by the' anything jokes

Haha! Everything is so, so terrible! via Rachel Eve Stein (left) and Strong Place on IG (right).

Hey Brooklyn, we (women) get it. President-elect Donald Trump says dumb things. So dumb, in fact, that within seconds of saying them the internet is suddenly flooded with satirical merchandise quoting it. But it’s one thing to wear “Nasty Woman” proudly on your chest — a self-identifying moniker women happily sport in order to reclaim the bogus litmus test of “likability” they have to endure in their everyday lives — and entirely another to repurpose Trump’s admission of sexual assault as a marketing scheme.

This past weekend, Brokelyn writer Rachel Eve Stein spotted a sandwich board outside Littleneck, a seafood restaurant in Gowanus, advertising a special on clams and recommending that you “Grab ’em by the … Shell.” We also spotted a “Grab ’em by the Pint” Trump special on a sandwich board outside Strong Place, a gastropub in Brooklyn Heights.

Brooklyn businesses, let me be clear. “Grab ’em by the pussy” is an incredibly violent phrase. And your using it in jest is the same thing as Jimmy Fallon ruffling Trump’s hair, i.e. it normalizes the behavior of an accused rapist and makes women feel unsafe. Also, this is New York fucking City, you can find a better joke.

Littleneck has since apologized to Stein and removed the sign, and the world goes on despite triggering instances like this. The only mildly appropriate pun on this phrase I can recall in recent memory was the Grab ‘Em By the Ballot movement to rally the vote of working women in America — and remind me how that turned out, again? UPDATE 11/15: The owner of Littleneck sent us a respone to the sign; see below. (more…)

11/03/16 3:42pm
Here are all the cheap BK election night parties where you can drink until you die

It’s an election pile-on! via Dardy Bar’s instagram

Finally. FINALLY. After two years of political campaigns from dozens of candidates, followed by the world’s most grueling overtime face-off between semifinalists 4 prez Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton, the general election comes to its much-awaited end this Tuesday, November 8.

It’s sure to be a night to remember— which is exactly why you shouldn’t have to. If anything, this is our last chance to drink ourselves into a blissful Obama-livion before “the next four years” with a certain someone begin. We’ve rounded up all the cheap election night parties in Brooklyn, since you’re going to need more than one drink. We’ll keep adding to this list as more come up, so stay tuned if you don’t see one you like just yet. Though as far as we’re concerned, just about anything beats dealing with the nail-biting anxiety of the vote count alone. (more…)

10/26/16 12:15pm
Fake MTA poster urges Donald Trump not to grope women on the train, or anywhere

You know that guy manspreads too. Via Emilio Herce.

The MTA frequently reminds you through official signs that a crowded train is not an excuse for unwanted sexual contact. While most commuters heed the message, it seems not to have gotten through to the Republican candidate for president, who is responsible for bringing a conversation about “is groping cool or nah” into the race for the most important position in the world.

So someone made this official-looking MTA sign as a reminder to him, and anyone, that you shouldn’t grab women by the anywhere, no matter if you’re commuting to work or hosting a reality show. Friend of Brokelyn Emilio Herce spotted this last night on an uptown 2 train when he got on at 72nd St. last night and sent it to us. It’s unclear who made it, but the MTA confirms it’s definitely not them. (more…)

10/03/16 10:24am

Everyone’s dealing with their rising election panic differently today. Some of us are sending dick lollipops to Donald Trump; some of us are phone banking for Hillary; and some of us are trolling New York City with prank election announcements to gauge just how ready America is for the possibility of a Trump presidency.

Brokelyn’s favorite Nathan for You-style prankster, Tyler Fischer — last seen posing as a couples’ therapist in IKEA took to the streets yesterday posing as a BBC reporter. He chose various public places to host a fake newscast, reporting loudly to a fake cameraman that Hillary Clinton had dropped out of the presidential race. (more…)

09/28/16 2:00pm
Deliver us from evil — via Seamless

Deliver us from evil — via Seamless

Step aside, Nate Silver! There’s a new authority on presidential polls in town: Seamless.

The food delivery giant ran its own poll during the presidential debate Monday night to see whether lazy, hungry millenials prefer Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump. Or, at least, to see whose supporters were lazier, hungrier and more likely to order Seamless on a Monday night.

Customers were given a discount on the night of the debate using competing coupon codes “IMWITHHER” and “IMWITHHIM,” and it should be no great surprise which code was more popular in New York, at least amongst people who understand how to order food on the Internet. And who better to predict the future of our country than the No. 1 service of New York’s softest millennials?

It looks like Trump was right to fear “cyber,” evidently, as Seamless’ poll results were a landslide for Hillary, to the tune of 82% to 18%. Looks like those 400 lb. hackers are ordering in with a vengeance. (more…)

09/27/16 9:14am

 

I asked Giuliani if Trump is a feminist #DebateNight pic.twitter.com/xWvkgVuKXV

Last night, the world stood wide-eyed in front of their television screens as Sec. Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump took one another on in the first of many presidential debates that may help to determine the outcome of November’s election. The sane ones among us crossed our fingers that nothing would catch Hillary off-guard. We prayed that Trump would manage to cram enough stupidity into a 90-minute segment to put the rest of us at ease.

Sure enough, Trump garbled a bunch of stuff about 400 lb. hackers, claimed that stop-and-frisk was a “wonderful thing,” and made a spectacularly sexist closing remark about Hillary Clinton, saying “She doesn’t have the look” to be president.

Following the debate, former mayor of New York Rudy Giuliani was approached by reporters to answer for his BFF’s comments in the debate. Elite Daily‘s Alexandra Svokos patently asked Giuliani whether Trump, who owns the Miss Universe pageant, harasses women and has a number of rape allegations to his name, is a feminist. You can watch Giuliani’s cogent response above. You can also pour acid into your own eyes, you know, either/or. 

09/26/16 2:41pm
Get yours before they're all sold out

Get yours before they’re all sold out. via Ample Hills / IG

If a drinking game wasn’t enough to sate your taste buds for the presidential debates tonight, then this is a sher-bet: Ample Hills just released two presidential ice cream flavors, Food & Wine reports: The “Madam President,” after Hillary Clinton, and the “Make America Orange Again,” after Donald Trump.

The Hillary flavor is spicy chocolate, and Trump’s is orange-marshmallow. Unsurprisingly, the second one sounds like a pretty disgusting combination. (more…)

09/07/16 4:31pm
Overthrow's knockout Trump truck. Via Facebook.

Overthrow’s knockout Trump truck. Via Facebook.

Overthrow, the East Village spot that’s sometimes called the home of “hipster boxing gym” [falls to the mat in a TKO from groaning], knows you have frustrations with this election cycle. They also know that you probably sometimes want to pop Donald Trump right in his loose meat bag of a face or pop him, just one time, right in the racist mouth hole. That would probably be tricky to pull off, so instead they want to help you take out your aggression in healthy ways, and also to do the most important thing this election season: vote. So, according to Bedford + Bowery, Overthrow has created a “Knockout Trump” truck they’re touring around the city for the next few weeks, where you can both punch a Trump-faced punching ball AND register to vote.

“This might be a marketing stunt right out of Donald’s playbook,” Overthrow owner Joey Goodwin told the site, “but in terms of him actually being president of the most powerful country in the world, the United States of America, I think it would be a very scary situation.” (more…)