jonah ryan

We would rather chop off our hands than see Brooklyn overrun with shitbirds like this for even a day, much less a week

In case you didn’t know, there’s a presidential election in 2016. For president of America. And while ordinarily New Yorkers could just exist in our bubble of smug liberal satisfaction at the fact that we’re not, well, the rest of America, Mayor “Red” Bill de Blasio might pierce that bubble. According to the Brooklyn Paper, he’s trying to attract the DNC and all of its horrible functionaries, hangers-on and political hacks to the Barclays Center. If Barack Obama was ever really gonna cancel the 2016 election, seize our guns and declare himself king, this would be a great time to do it. (more…)

04/23/14 2:42pm
heart of the sea

See Rell “Kapolioka’ehukai” Sunn do her thing at Proteus Gowanus on Thursday night. Photo by Tom Keck, via Facebook

Whether the summer turns out to be hot and rainy or hot and not so rainy, the important thing is that it’s gonna warm up soon and your thoughts might turn to surfing. If you can surf, anyway. If you can’t though, you may as well start living vicariously through other people’s shredding now, and you can do that by heading to Proteus Gowanus (543 Union Street) on Thursday night to see three documentaries on women who’ve dominated the oceans with their board skillz. (more…)

04/23/14 1:30pm
google ny office

Want to work in Google’s weird neon office? Well maybe you can via Google

Welcome, Brokelyners, to another adventure in the magical world of employment! Here are some of our favorite picks from the wild world of hiring in New York, since although that kombucha starter rental business is obviously going to take off any day now, it’s usually nice to have some spending cash to throw around at things like “rent” and “food.” (more…)

04/23/14 11:32am
broad city

This will definitely end up being a Broad City plot point

While running for Brooklyn DA, Ken Thompson made the promise that he’d stop bringing criminal charges against people possessing small amounts of pot (who didn’t have a criminal record). Seeing as we live in go-go crazy liberal time, this isn’t a very hard campaign promise to keep, and according to the New York Post, Thompson sent an official memo announcing his office would no longer prosecute the cases. (more…)

04/23/14 10:10am
vision zero

“See, if we just rip up all the streets here, here and here, cars won’t be able to hit anyone.” via Department of Transportation

Out of all of Mayor Tall’s cockamamie ideas that he swept into office on, the craziest-sounding one might be Vision Zero, his insistence that the city can reduce traffic deaths to zero. Of course we’d all like that, but in this city of jaywalkers, red-light running cyclists and drivers that drive like going under 45mph will cause them to have a fatal brain hemorrhage, it seems unrealistic. Still, the mayor’s committed to it, so the Department of Transportation is holding a number of public meetings on Vision Zero, starting with this week and next week in Brooklyn. Because we’re the best. (more…)

04/23/14 9:26am
scott stringer

Why is Scott Stringer smiling? Because at least he can afford to live here. via Facebook

At this point, living in New York and complaining about the rent go so hand-in-hand that you’d think someone passed a law requiring we all do that. But, we always welcome a new voice to the chorus, and today Scott Stringer joined in with a report laying out the stark numbers that the median rent in New York City as a whole went up 75 percent between 2000 and 2012. Since the rent in the rest of the country went up only 44 percent in that same time period, this is officially a big freaking deal. (more…)

04/22/14 4:24pm
OUTRAGE-11

Residents telling Manhattan to keep their trash to themselves. Photo by Amanda Waldroupe, via Bedford + Bowery

Despite the fancy ideas about the city’s economic and political power moving towards Brooklyn, we still have to put up with a lot of Manhattan’s garbage, which is especially clear if you wind up in Williasmburg on weekends evenings. A group of concerned citizens have announced they’ve had enough of this shit and had a protest today asking Manhattan to keep their trash to themselves. And also to stop dumping their garbage in Williamsburg and Greenpoint. (more…)

04/22/14 2:55pm
the moth

Work in the shadows to make this story go off without a hitch. via Facebook

You’ve honed your office skills since you’ve lived in the city, to the point where you’re a veritable Joan Holloway or even an icily effective Sue Wilson. But if you’re unsatisfied using them for some faceless megacorporation, we’ve got a great job for you: the Moth needs what they’re calling an “assistant to the executive team,” but from the job description, sounds mostly like an office manager. Want to help make the story magic happen? More important, want a salary and benefits? Read on! (more…)

04/22/14 1:55pm
brooklyn islanders

Still the best suggested Islanders rebrand we’ve come across. via the New York Post

In between hosting country music concerts, for all of Brooklyn’s many country fans coming from Brooklyn’s 385 country music bars, the Barclays Center hosts sporting events. If you missed our previous inflammatory article discussing it, you might not know that aside from the Nets, the Islanders will be calling Barclays home soon. And since one game watching the Islanders play hockey wasn’t enough to make fans vow to never come back, Barclays will be hosting another pre-season game on September 26. (more…)