Coming into their second matchup tonight, the Knicks and Nets are bad in all sorts of ways. Despite having the two highest paid “Big Three” combos in basketball, they’re a combined 10-23, each team only has one win against a team with a winning record and they play the kind of basketball only a blind person could love.
Given the sad state of affairs of this “rivalry,” is there anything worse you can do with your time than watch $200 million worth of disappointment battle for fourth place in the Atlantic Division? We’ll leave that up to you with our “Would Your Rather: Knicks vs. Nets” edition.
WOULD YOU RATHER WATCH THE KNICKS PLAY THE NETS TONIGHT OR…
– Swim in the Gowanus Canal for two hours?
– Be the subject of a “The Hunt” column in which even the reporter describes you as “particularly bougie” or an “artistic type”?
– Watch home movies of Eli Manning forced to sit at the kids table at Thanksgiving?
– Listen to a Michael Bloomberg press conference in which he describes “This really weird dream I had”…in Spanish?
– Be legally prohibited to grocery shop except on Sunday afternoons at the Court Street Trader Joe’s?
– Go on a dinner date with Billy Crystal and Rudy Giuliani during which they only drink expensive scotch and get weepy over Derek Jeter?
– Listen to James Dolan give a lecture the history of blues music in America?
– Read a collection of “Leaving New York” essays to a drunken crowd of construction workers, in your underwear?
– Explain to your 85-year-old grandmother what a “thot” is?
– Watch Hoda Kotb and Kathie Lee Gifford read your internet porn search history on Times Square’s ABC SuperSign, with a picture of you prominently displayed on it?
– Print out all of the internet’s Taylor Swift thinkpieces and Serial thinkpieces and build a papier mache Lincoln Tunnel out of them?
– Go to a bottomless brunch with a group of people who tell how they’re so over brunch and tell you this more loudly with every drink?
– Proofread a history of the Brooklyn D.I.Y. scene written by Brett Yormark for Delta Sky, the official in-flight magazine of Delta Airlines?
– Moderate a three-way debate between 9/11 Truthers, anti-vaccination activists and GamerGate advocates on which group is treated most poorly by the media?
– Make small-talk with your sister’s fiance, a brand ambassador who only wants to tell you all about his plan to woo the Millennial demographic by harnessing that “Brooklyn cool”?
– Have all of your tweets read back to you right before you die?
– Be forced at gunpoint to write about how Bayonne, NJ is the next “new Brooklyn”?
– Do crowd control for a One Direction concert at the Barclays Center happening at the same time as dueling pro-Israel/pro-Palestine rallies?
– Watch a Jets vs. Giants game
Additional awful ideas provided by Tim Donnelly, follow Dave at @DaveCoIon in case he actually watches this game
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I’d rather seek Taylor Swift’s thoughts on the decline of these two teams and on the decline of the professional teams of the New York City metropolitan area at large.
I’d rather start a polar bear club for that little pool in Brooklyn Bridge Park, like that little “beachside” pool? You know which one I’m talking about? That pool.
I’d rather go to Bush Terminal Park and play pick-up basketball with all comers for a more exciting game of hoops.
I’d rather play hopscotch with the BrooklyKnight.
I’d rather try and befriend the Green-Wood Cemetery clown.
I’d rather seek Taylor Swift’s thoughts on the Green-Wood Cemetery clown.