Open thread: mustard vs. mayo?

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Mayo here would be a crime. Flickr photo courtesy or jslander.

So a couple of weeks ago, everyone got all eye-rolly when we told you guys about an artisanal mayo shop opening in Brooklyn, some declaring it the end of civilization, others moving to Queens and still others heading over for some bacon-infused egg- and-oil emulsification. Now there’s more news on the condiment front: there’s a whole festival devoted to mustard on Saturday, where you can slather mustard with green peppercorn on an artisanal (shut up) pretzel or mustard with Six Point beer on your tongue. Now, this is the kind of party we can actually kind of get behind, because mustard is so much better than mayo.  Sharp, sophisticated, low-cal, vegan-friendly, and yet, the perfect wingman to pastrami, pretzels, hot dogs and more. Mayo, on the other hand, recalls gristly chicken salad, supermarket pasta salad, heartburn. Here’s the ultimate palatability test of any food: which would you rather eat before going on a roller coaster? See, mustard wins! Or does it? By the way, coffee is better than tea and dogs are better than cats.

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12 COMMENTS

  1. Mustard. not even a question. Mayo grossed me out ever since Undercover Brother really blew the lid off how gross it actually is. Also, hot soft pretezels are an absolute good and therefore any condiment connected to them is also good.

  2. I don’t think I could be friends with someone who puts mayo on a pastrami sandwich. That being said, I like both mayo and mustard.

  3. I like them both, but I (obviously) have picky-eater restrictions. No Miracle Whip, ever, because it’s disgusting and not worth it, and no regular yellow mustard. Dijon or grainy FTW. I could, and have, eaten just dijon on bread. It’s amazing.

  4. Mustard is the noblest of all condiments. Its headiness piques the senses, while mayonnaise merely acts as a semi-tangy lubricant and only belongs in places that mustard is too powerful for. This isn’t a bipartisanship, it’s a hierarchy where mustard is king and mayonnaise is minion.

  5. Everyone loves to believe they are a classy mustard person at heart, but at the end of the day, when you’re eating a sandwich and it tastes so good but you can’t put your finger on why? Mayo. The Dark Knight of condiments, the hero we need, the villain we want! And yet mustard takes all the glory, despite being good in like, ten things, tops.

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