Welcome, millionaires of Brooklyn, and please join us in this week’s MansionMania™! What’s that? You aren’t a millionaire? You’re actually pretty broke, you say? I should read the name of the website, you say? Well, if you’re going to get all hissy about it, I suppose you could use a few more revenue streams (not that your Etsy for dogs made of dog hair isn’t making bank), so how about a new job? Luckily for you, we here at Brokelyn have already taken care of that bit by combing through every inch of the internet, and, after taking a long shower in bleach, compiling every decent job available in New York as of right frickin’ now. So, if you can’t find a good job here, then there’s no hope in finding it anywhere else, and best of luck in your dog Etsy.
First up, are you looking to work around sexy ladies all day? Are you a woman who spends far too much on underwear? While these might sound like questions for two different people, they actually both fall into the same category of people who want to work at Victoria’s Secret, which is good, since they are currently hiring on an Executive Assistant. So, if your dream is to pull a Devil Wears Prada with less clothes, then this is a pretty good start for you. The job is for the VP of Merchandise Planning and Allocation, whatever the hell that means, but beyond that it’s pretty typical office-y stuff, so if you happen to be extremely nervous about working in an office and constantly picture people in their underwear as a coping mechanism, well, you’ll have a lot more fun picturing it here.
Next, we’ve got a unique opportunity for those looking for their big break in the restaurant industry: Eleven Madison Park is hiring on a new Host! While the job of “restaurant host” isn’t typically very interesting. working at the fourth best anything in the world is a pretty cool thing to do. While this may not be good for newbies to the restaurant scene, anyone out there who’s tired of their current restaurant gig (a.k.a. most everyone) should get in now, because the tips alone at a spot like this could put someone through a nice enough college that they’d be able to afford to eat at Eleven Madison Park.
Now, let’s say you enjoy restaurants not unlike the one mentioned above, but you’ve never had a taste for the culinary field. Maybe, instead, you’ve followed your desire to design fancy buildings and homes, and you’ve perhaps gotten pretty good at it. Well, don’t fight the need to combine your passions any longer, because hOmE Design Studio (they insist on the weird capitalization thing, I dunno) is looking to bring on a Designer to help them put together Brooklyn’s newest restaurant hotspot. The company is famous for designing some of New York’s most iconic eateries, but also does many other projects, so if you’re experienced in architecture and looking to never have to pay for a meal again, then this is the place to be.
If you happen to be looking for a good way to put a journalism degree to use besides hiding that hole in your wall, then look no further: Vox Media is hiring on an Associate Editor for their creative team. The job involves writing for their blog, as well as interacting with prospective clients for their many real estate- and fashion-based media sites, so you’ll be working in an office where everyone has the coolest apartments, clothing, and restaurants ready to go; try not to be intimidated. The job requires some previous experience writing online, but that’s nothing you can’t find extremely easily, so you are just one application away from having the inside track on the new look/neighborhood/bistro of the season.
Vogue! Vogue! Vogue! If you were too busy looking at your phone to read that reference, and too young to know what that means anyways, then congratulations, you are truly built for the fashion industry. If you happen to be looking to get your well-shoed foot in the door, well then good news: Que sal mah is hiring on a Marketing Assistant to help in their concept boutique for their knot dress-making in, where else, Williamsburg. The job requires some previous experience in the fashion world (and no, your time spent watching 27 Dresses does not count), but it’s fairly minimal compared to having Tim Gunn brutally yell at you for “not working it.”
Next one is specifically for the eggheads who think that a blue shirt and khakis are the epitome of fashion: Wenner Media, which publishes such magazines as Rolling Stone and Men’s Journal, is looking for a Junior Data Analyst, so if you want to continue being nerdy while working at an extremely cool company, this is for you. The job is obviously pretty technical, but beyond knowing how to cull and read data, the specific requirements are pretty slim, so if you happen to be a tech wiz who’s good at crunching numbers and very obsessed with reading US Weekly, this could be a pretty good job opportunity/chance to touch Katy Perry in person.
Finally, for all of the people looking to break into the film industry: move to LA. If you’re still here reading this on your computer, than I guess maybe apply for this job as a Production Assistant at Cadence Productions, now hiring. The job is certainly one involving many hats, and before you ask, yes this place is legit, I looked them up and apparently they made a Beyonce video, so, you know, you might be BFFs with Bey! Probably not, but people have done much weirder things for worse odds. I could list other stuff they’ve done, but c’mon. Beyonce.