You probably would never have guessed Williamsburg is a stomping ground for the Illuminati, but the bro-heavy neighborhood has taken a turn to the spooky. Not only is it the stomping ground of disgraced, war-happy, human rights-violating ex-presidents, Crain’s reports today that the corporate mega-chains moving in see Williamsburg as a “secret lab,” in which they can jot down the shopping habits of the urban elite and learn to craft the aesthetic for Middle America. YOU’RE BEING WATCHED BY LULULEMON, SHEEPLE! Which, along with Helmut Lang apparently has plans to come to Williamsburg.
“You’re just being crazy,” you’re saying to us. That’s the thing with the Illuminati and their plans though, they don’t give a damn about putting it out in public, because anyone who sees the truth just gets branded as “crazy.” They’re saying it, plain and simple though. A Diesel store on Bedford Avenue comes in the guise of an upscale store named “101,” selling local goods and being totally independent. An Urban Outfitters not named “Urban Outfitters” and a Starbucks that’s also a bar, these are all the disguises that the grand blanding the Illumanti has planned for us wears, in preparation for the flattening of the culture and the reduction of the world’s population by half. It’s all in Agenda 21 for Christ’s sake, just read it.
Oh sure, they tell you it’s because they want to “fit in” with “Brooklyn” by throwing a bunch of buzzwords at you, but the fact is, these chains are using us for two reasons. One, to see if the secret stores “pass muster with Williamsburg’s cutting-edge crowd” before “the chains…roll them out to other locations.”
And two, to hoover up your dollars to give to their chosen politicians who’ll bring about World War 3 and a great burning. The worst part, aside from the death, is that you’ll never even realize it. “You don’t know you’re walking into an Urban Outfitters,” one clueless shopper told Crain’s. Wake up people, wake up before it’s too late.