Meet the BrooklyKnight, the Nets’ totally not embarrassing mascot

Yeah, but how’s his perimeter defense? via Bleeding Cool

So, the Nets have a mascot, and the deep-sea diver Tron reject you see above is supposed to be it. Hey, no, great job. Good mascot. I understand that my views on the Nets are not shared by everyone else on Brokelyn’s staff, much less by the entire population of the borough. And my previous thoughts on the Islanders weren’t shouted from the rooftops. But as someone who’s thrown away entire evenings in his 20s to watch sports or read comics I feel uniquely qualified to say that the BrooklyKnight is horrible and that the sooner the team introduces some Punisher knockoff (decked in blue and orange, naturally) to tragically shoot him in the back, the better.

Worse than the BrooklyKnight’s (ugh, typing that gets worse every time) design is the comic released to hype his appearance. He just pops out of the floor in the Barclays Center before the Nets’ first home game and then stands on the sideline shooting electricity, giving the Nets to power to play defense and already get hurt two games into an ill-advised contract. He protects the Barclays Center. Or the Nets maybe? But definitely not Brooklyn as a whole (or 22-point leads…), because at the end of the comic, he’s just hanging out in an empty stadium. Waiting for the next home game, I guess.

What is it the Nets are even going for with this Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles B-squad villian? They can’t possibly think this could compete with New York’s only other mascot, Mr. Met. Mr. Met is goofy, but it’s a classical, 1960s pre-Woodstock goofiness. And the Mets have at least had the self-awareness to let him show up on 30 Rock and in SportsCenter commercials. The BrooklyKnight is way too serious to ever end up in a scene like that.

The Nets are a team that we were told was in the capable hands of Jay-Z when it came to design decisions. Now we find out he’s either willing to or was overruled when it comes to partnering up with Marvel, who already has a history of making abominations out of sports-themed “heroes.” According to the press release, BrooklyKnight is supposed to be Brooklyn’s champion. But Brooklyn already has a champion, and even if he’s gone, he lives on through us all, on some Obi-Wan Kenobi status.

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