Hillary Clinton allegedly looking at Brooklyn for campaign HQ

hillary clinton brooklyn — “The fuck you mean the show at Trans-Pecos is sold out?”

A specter is haunting the as-of-yet unannounced Clinton campaign: the specter of looking desperately uncool and like the boring Coke to Rand Paul’s Surge. All the powers of the Clinton brain trust have entered into an alliance to exorcise this specter and according to The Hill, one way they’re going to do it is move Hillary’s campaign headquarters to Brooklyn. “Just what Brooklyn needs,” grouse the locals and the transplants trying to look cool. “Another wide-eyed dope from Iowa moving here to be cool.”

The report in The Hill, like all reports about the Clinton campaign which doesn’t even exist yet, comes from unnamed Clinton insiders, so take it all with a grain of salt. If the insiders are to be believed, Brooklyn is a possibility over a thriving metropolis like White Plains because it will signal that Hillary is still young and with it, not the same old news that Republicans are trying to peg her as, the same reason given for why the Clintons were supporting the DNC coming to Brooklyn. Which has its own twisted logic, since American presidential politics come down to stupid shit like “Hm yes, the way that person did a pickle back was very authentic to me.”

There’s nothing about where in Brooklyn H-Dawg would be setting up her cool hip youth-driven campaign braintrust that will be made up of jowly white guys in the end anyway, but we wouldn’t worry about her setting it up in an artist’s loft in Bushwick. On the other hand, maybe the offices that the Brecht Forum took Downtown before it closed forever need a tenant. It’d be just tinged enough with Marxism to have Glenn Beck making charts for days.