Two’s company, but three’s a crowd, unless it’s three people going together to Poughkeepsie, in which case you might need that third person to keep your ex-husband from shimmying down the chimney to get his Oxycontin.
Finally, someone is portraying the real millennial Brooklyn. The one that confronts their Oxycontin ex-husband in Poughkeepsie.
Allow me to explain. Marnie and Desi are still being so gross, and they decide to take a road trip to romantic Poughkeepsie for reasons that remain unclear. To help mask the charade, Hannah tags along. While squirreled away in their cabin, Marnie finds Desi’s mason jar full of Oxycontin, because — twist! — he’s been addicted to Oxy this whole time. Marnie, of course, does the entirely wrong thing, smashing his mason jar and stomping on his stash, turning Desi into a full-blown Marky Mark Fear monster, smashing windows and terrorizing Hannah and Marnie for a weird horror movie segment. The whole situation allows Hannah to drop some knowledge on Marnie: Maybe she didn’t realize her husband was pounding Oxy like they’re fucking Mentos because she’s too busy always thinking of her self. Mind blown.
Back in the city, Shosh has enlisted Elijah to accompany her to a WEMUN (Women Entrepreneurs Meet-Up Now) event in a brilliant scene of satire, turning the focus on all of New York’s top-knotted, Zara-clad, young professional branderati.
Shosh is there to try to get a foot back into the world of LinkedIn connection climbers she left behind when Jessa rolled back into town. Shosh tries to reconnect with her old friends, but they’re still butthurt about that time Shosh abandoned their plans to spring break in Aruba to spend the day at Rockaway trying to find Vincent Gallo with Jessa. The missed opportunity to nurture a relationship with the girls that literally “cracked open the market on athletic denim” forces Shosh to snap. She screams at Jessa on the street to get out of her face. Oh, and Elijah spills the beans to Shosh and Jessa about Marnie and Des. This won’t end well.
One more thing: In Poughkeepsie, Hannah meets a magical shopkeeper who left NYC after falling on the third rail and getting rescued by Chris Noth. This is the second taste of a “better” life outside Brooklyn Hannah has encountered. If this is all leading to Hannah realizing that New York City is mean and sad and no one can be happy there, I’m actually very OK with that. Especially if it means that everyone who moved to Brooklyn because of Girls packs up their manbuns, denim rompers and wide-brimmed, HAIM-sister hats goes back to the suburbs from whence they came.
Let’s toss out our Oxycontin mason jars and discuss the moments from last night we loved so much we can’t even and the parts that were so ridiculous we can’t even.
We Can’t Even
Elijah is the absolute best. Not only is he just the right amount over Marnie’s drama, but he also does it while full Donald Duck-ing it and drinking a Bloody Mary.
Desi’s Oxycontin rampage was a bizarre, but ultimately satisfying tonal shift. In fact, even without Desi tweaking out, I’d be just as terrified to see what Hannah describes as “someone in the Pacific Northwest knit a man” stalking around outside my windows.
Since this whole show is already a funhouse mirror of millennial life in Brooklyn, its attempts to heighten the caricature can sometimes fall flat. The WEMUN event was played for laughs, and it mostly hit more than it missed. Sure, athletic denim is absurd and using “synergize” as a punchline is lazy, but the response about trans women being included in the group (an uncomfortably giggly “We don’t know!”) was a spot-on takedown of the sort of faux empowerment young professional bullshit that hardly amounts to more than a bunch of brioche-bun sliders on fine china.
While Hannah’s bed bug-infested armchair psychologist takedown of Marnie was a little too spot-on and self-aware to be believably Hannah, it was exceptionally true. I mean, this is Marnie’s SECOND time unknowingly banging a drug addict without catching a single red flag. Someone please take care of her. She needs to become a ward of the state.
Maybe my favorite moment ever in this series is when Jessa shows up at the networking event, and Elijah immediately responds with “Ugh, no.” Isn’t that how we all feel when Jessa shows up on screen?
We Can’t Even
Desi’s necklace swinging in Marnie’s face while fucking with no finale is such a perfect image of what dating him must be like.
But it’s also exactly what Marnie deserves? I mean, I’m pretty sure they rolled up to that cabin listening to their own cover of “Karma Police.” That’s some next-level self-involved shit, even for this show.
Haha, remember Jessa and Shosh are cousins?
Next week: Girls takes on call-out culture and sexual assault in the creative community with I’m sure a ton of tact and insight. Get ready for so many think pieces, you guys.
Bobby Hankinson is a writer and comedian living in Brooklyn. You can ask him how to rock a romper at a work event or who to vote for on Twitter, @bobbyhank.