‘Girls’ season 5, episodes 9 and 10 recap: Like flames to a Moth

This is the story of a girl, except actually it’s becoming the story of a grown-ass woman, as Girls’ central protagonist actually showed some growth for a change.

In last night’s two-part season five finale Hannah took ownership over some of her less attractive traits, made peace with Adam and Jessa’s relationship and returned to writing with a reading at The Moth. (All it took to get her there was a day getting high with Jenny Slate.) Elijah tried to have a Meredith Grey “Pick me. Choose me.” moment with Dill, but it backfired, and they broke up. Marnie had a super strange “love dream” about Ray, so I guess they’re a thing now, and Adam and Jessa had the kind of fight that makes Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? look down right civil.

All right, so it doesn’t sound like a ton of progress when written out like that, but the penultimate season of Girls ended with each character taking at least a small step toward personal growth, if not a giant leap into genuine adulthood.

Make sure your bike is securely locked, and join us in discussing the moments from last night we loved so much we can’t even, and the parts that were so ridiculous we can’t even.

We Can’t Even

Hannah’s total life makeover may have started with an uncharacteristically calm end to her relationship with Fran, but by the end of last night’s two episodes, she picked up running, filled out her wardrobe with a few sensible pieces and even decided to quit that teaching job she was terribly unsuited for. But, we knew she’d really learned a lesson when she actually apologized for showing her principal her pussy. That’s how all our serious life changes always start, at least.

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We’d love to spend a day hanging out with Jenny Slate (even if her teary confession about her daily Googling herself did feel a little too ripped from Lena Dunham’s own Livejournal, or whatever). But! The most fun part of it? That Beyoncé dance party. How much did that cost them?

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The whole scene at the Moth was great, especially appearances from storyteller extraordinaire Adam Wade (who would never call anyone an idiot like that IRL) and NPR’s Ophira Eisenberg.

There are so many things to unpack about Marnie’s “love dream” about Ray, but we can’t stop thinking about what he would actually look like with long, black, Khaleesi hair. He’d look like someone left a 1970s Cher doll in the sun.

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Where can we pick up a blazer like Elijah’s that says “I really am the one for you despite your misgivings about monogamy and your penthouse full of whores” We’re also in the market for slacks that say “I really like you as a friend, but I could never be with you in any serious way because you sincerely like The Da Vinci Code” and culottes that say “If you really want me to blow you, you’re going to have to take a shower first.”

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Shoshanna’s rebrand of Ray’s coffeeshop as some sort of anti-hipster holy ground is exactly the sort of idiotic non-trend the New York Times’ millennial-obsessed Style Section would probably love to feature. She just missed an opportunity to rename the place Hot Take.

We Can’t Even

Are we the only ones who feel like there was a ton of almost-fucking going on tonight? Obviously there was that great moment between Hannah and Jenny Slate where they wondered aloud if they should do it. Then we were waiting for something to happen with Elijah and Hannah’s dad, with Hannah and her principal, with Shosh and Colin Quinn. It even felt for a second that Elijah and Hannah’s mom might actually go there. Did you guys get that vibe too, or do we just need some alone time with our electric toothbrush?

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Ray has long been the only character on this show to really work hard and achieve something, but for some reason, he’s ready to leave the coffee shop — which he’s been obsessing about all season — and his community board position, which he obsessed about all last season — to basically follow Marnie around on tour as her personal slave.

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In our opinion Desmerized is only the third best Desi fansite, after Desi-tiny’s Child and Desi-gning Women.

We can’t stop thinking about what must’ve happened to Marnie in her past to make her get off just dreaming about brushing hair. Fun facts about your recappers: One of us never has sex dreams (even though s/he really deserves them) while the other has them often (and usually featuring John Cena).

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There is a lot of insane things we’ve had to accept as part of Jessa and Adam’s tumultuous relationship, but the fact Jessa doesn’t have a full bush is for sure the hardest disbelief to suspend. That’s a ton of upkeep down there.

And that’s the end of this (admittedly) very good season. As we gear up for the show’s sixth and final season, here are a few predictions for where we think the characters will be when we return:

• Hannah decides to run a marathon. Well, a half marathon. Well, actually, she just watches a marathon of old Susan Sarandon movies and feels very empowered to be a woman. She’s in level two of her long-form improv class, because she feels she needs to learn to “write on her feet.”
• Marnie and Ray get in a big fight because he mistakes her birth control for B12 and now she’s pregnant.
• Shosh discovers she really does have a love for found-word poetry and takes Hannah’s old job as an English teacher. She starts dating Fran, because that’s how this group of friends works.
• Jessa has to drop out of school, because Adam has to use the tuition money to replace literally of his things.
• … seriously, where’s Adam’s sister? Is she dead? She’s dead, right?

Leave your predictions in the comments!

Get caught up on the rest of season 5 here.

For more off-season discussion about whether these girls will ever get it all together, follow Bobby and Carly.

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