Everything (other people told us) you need to know about this election

Vote for uh…Bulworth? Is he running? He’s running, right?

Happy Election Day! Today is the one day per year that political science majors are actually popular and the 308th day of the year that someone has said something insane about Lena Dunham. Don’t worry about Lena or your weird, socially stunted poli-sci major friend though, instead worry about getting your hands on one of those “I Voted!” stickers, by getting out there and voting. Who or what should you vote for, though? Well, we’re not Vox dot com, so we’re not here to explain anything to you, but we do know how other people are explaining the election, so we read that for you.

Where do I vote?

If you’ve never voted in New York, you might be wondering where you even do this crazy thing. Fair enough. You can either look up your polling place on the Board of Election’s poll site locator or you can use Where’s My Fucking Polling Place, if you like profanity. Either one works. Also, polling places will be open until 9pm, which bites into your “Oh but I had to work” excuse for not voting.

Things to know

-Capital New York has a whole “What to watch for today” that goes into things like what Andrew Cuomo’s margin of victory might be, whether Democrats retake the state senate and how badly New York democrats will do in the House of Representatives. Want to sound smart while talking politics today? Just memorize that on your lunch break.

-Capital also has a roundup of the ballot questions, which is probably the most important and consequential thing you’ll be voting on today. Two of the ballot questions concern redistricting and school funding and come wrapped in nice-sounding names despite the fact that they could completely fuck us in five years. The other one is about not printing bills in the legislature, which is a bit less consequential.

-Endorsements! Allegedly, endorsements are a thing of the past, since no one trusts newspapers anymore. Still, if you’re curious, Cuomo was endorsed by Crain’sthe Daily News and New York Times and the New York Observer, while Rob Astorino was endorsed by the New York Post, and uh…

-If you don’t live in Bensonhurst, you’re sadly missing out on participating in New York City’s most incredible election, featuring indicted incumbent Michael Grimm, who once threatened to throw a reporter off a balcony against former City Council member Dominic Recchia, who couldn’t name the last book he’d read. Ned Berke at the Bensonhurst Bean compared it to South Park’s giant douche vs. turd sandwich election and suggests writing in the Hypnotoad, so if you live down there and haven’t voted yet, we think you should do that.

Most importantly, go out and vote for at least the ballot questions (after reading up on them though, since the info is up there) so upstate jerk Assemblyman Steve McLaughlin, who said New York City voters were lazy, can choke on his stupid words. Also you don’t want another one of these maps, do you?


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