Enjoy the (Loft)opera and 17 other ways to spend the weekend

1. You’d think a “cheese speakeasy” is something that happens when vegans take over and make all animal-based food products illegal, but it’s actually just people hanging in a bar, drinking craft beer and eating good cheese (Friday)

2. Buy some art to benefit to the ASPCA. Or have you learned nothing from those Sarah McLachlan commercials? (Friday)

3. Meet other queer folks in a no-pressure but loud environment at “Select All: A Queer Mixer” (Friday)

4. See Tropicalia, a documentary about the birth of the Brazilian art form that eventually helped birth the Beck song, “Tropicalia” (Friday)

5. Check out LoftOpera’s production of The Marriage of Figaro to get your weekly dose of “pretending to be cultured (Friday and Saturday)

6. Modca Cafe is so excited about fall for some reason that they’re having a two day festival, with music and everything (Friday and Saturday)

7. Go on a walking tour of Downtown Brooklyn so that instead of mansplaining things about Brooklyn’s history, you can actually provide correct information in the future (Saturday)

8. Nerd out at Comic Arts Brooklyn, BK’s big celebration of the picture-based art form. Paul Auster is gonna be there! And you’re not better than Paul Auster (Saturday)

9. Help fight hunger and food stamp cuts by those idiots in Congress by dropping off some food at Launchpad’s food drive (Saturday)

10. Andy Ricker, he of Pok Pok, will be at Smorgasburg talking about his the wonders of Thai food. Finally, a chance for you to ask him why it took so comically long to get a seat at his restaurant (Saturday)

11. Ladies and trans people: take this self-defense class because it’s free and you never know when you need it. No kicking someone’s head off for mansplaining though, that’s offense, not defense (Saturday)

12. Help raise some money for Mellow Pages by listening to a few of us talk about our weird, filthy love affair with books and drinking some cheap beer (Saturday)

13. Vine might be a new app, but people love it, so of course it gets a film festival. And yep, you can enter it if you think you’re some kind of master of vining (Saturday)

14. Spend an afternoon drinking wine and crafting, except do it at a bar with new friends instead of alone in your apartment in a robe (Sunday)

15. Farm-fresh food deliverers Good Eggs are so happy to be launching in Brooklyn that they’re having a party to celebrate. A party with free food, of course (Sunday)

16. Go get a taste of the new, rebooted Brooklyn Brewery Defender to see if it tastes as dark and gritty as it claims to and and hang out with people who make comics with a living (Sunday)

17. Presentation Party Night is back! To teach you what, we’re not sure, so maybe they’re doing some kind of meta commentary on the history of surprises? (Sunday)

18. See Working Girls, the realest feature film ever made about prostitutes. Maybe then you’ll quit with the dead hooker jokes, they’re actually demeaning, inhuman and not very funny (Sunday)

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