‘Broad City’ season 3, episode 5 recap: The future presidentress of the United States

Republicans will spend three months investigating this wink. Via screenshot.
GOP will spend three months investigating this wink. via screenshot.

FINALLY. Finally! We’ve been waiting for this moment since we bought our first Chillary Clinton koozies last summer, then since the Broads first spilled the beans on Seth Meyers, and then since they spilled more beans at SXSW, and then again since they released a teaser clip earlier this week, and finally since we were forced to sit through, like, 28 minutes of YAS to get to the KWEEN. HILLARY IS HERE! And she’s, you know, glorious.

Admittedly, I was foolishly hoping she’d be more involved in the story — I really wanted her to channel her inner Amy Sedaris or something, y’know? Overall, the attempt to FaceTime with millennials didn’t do much to humanize her — the walk-on came off as more like it was her idea rather than theirs, and her personality felt pretty stale. You know the feeling of absorbing someone else’s awkwardness? Watching it felt sort of like that. And you know what they say about communicating with millennials via content: it’s gotta be authentic, guys.

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Let’s back up. This week, on the heels of a near sweep in the latest round of primary elections, we finally got to join the Broads in enthusiasm over HRC when Ilana landed a job as a phone bank volunteer at Hillz’ Brooklyn headquarters. Ironically, though the episode is called simply “2016,” some called the episode an untimely reflection of the young liberal population in a pre-Bernie climate. But frankly, propping up bad bitches who lead rather than follow is an important practice lit-rally all of the time, and I’m glad the Broads are steadfast in their worldview. I found the appropriately ridiculous rundown of sexist FAQ Clinton constantly has to field (no, she’s not a witch) particularly brilliant.

Speaking of bad bitches: Cynthia Nixon! Dare I say, Cynthia as Ilana’s supervisor at HRC headquarters was almost a better cameo than Hillary herself. Did she walk straight off the set of SATC? Like, of course Miranda Hobbs is a Hillary supporter. Or the actual chief of Hillary’s staff. Actually, is she involved in the campaign IRL? I love you, Miranda Hobbs. This season’s cameos are so fucking on point.

But as for the rest of the episode: Haven’t we made enough jokes about the DMV? Let’s focus on the important learning from Abbi’s adventure to get a new license, which is that you actually can make a DMV appointment online, and it actually isn’t that bad anymore. Still, though, this GIF forever.

Brokelyn awkward broad city puke dmv

We picked out the references you may have missed, the moments we’re still talking about and the gifs you need in your life right now:

Moment that made us scream YAS, QUEEN: We knew Hillary was coming, but we couldn’t not freak the fuck out.

Hillary faces. Via screenshot.
IN THE FACE. via screenshot.

Inside-NYC joke your friend who doesn’t live here but loves this show won’t understand: “Damn, the park is serene today. ” “It’s just like, beautiful. Why don’t we come here more often?” “It’s just like, far.” “It is far.” CENTRAL PARK REALNESS.

Best cameo: We’d like to thank Abbi and Ilana for their commitment to entertainment and Amy Poehler for pulling the strings to create quite possibly the best political-pop-culture merger moment since Lin-Manuel rapped in the Rose Garden. Or maybe since Barack kicked it with Kendrick that one time. Possibly since that Between Two Ferns episode. And we can’t forget about that episode of Marc Maron’s podcast. Okay, Obama, we get it, you’re cool.

Most exciting new trend Ilana is single-handedly starting: Wig helmets!

Brokelyn broad city blonde biking ilana

Tumblr we assumed was fake but is actually a thing and it’s perfectQ believe this idiot dot tumblr dot com. (Send your subway snaps to [email protected] for a chance to be featured!)

Best callback: As of now, both Ilana and her brother Eliot have both stumbled upon Trey’s porn during what appears to be a routine self-love sesh. Makes you wonder, doesn’t it?

Best pun: Abbi’s salon is appropriately called Haute Air, which is apparently a real place in SoHo.

Brokelyn state of mind: Ilana’s lipstick rescue taught us there’s nothing wrong with reusing a hot shade of street pink — you know, as long as you cut the top off.

Actual real New York thing that got really, really real: Newly unemployed and strapped for cash, Ilana dons a coconut bra and tap-dances for tourists. Truth time! I saw a truly incredible Showtime recently, and I’m pretty sure I gave those dudes, like, 20 bucks. Also, they were hot. But the moves, y’all! Anyway, most of the time, I’m often wondering anxiously what might lead a person to panhandle on the subway, pondering how far away I am from that moment on any given day and whether my entertainment skills are sufficient for survival. Cool, you guys, thanks for listening.

Best thing to yell at the possible future president: “I PEGGED.” 🇺🇸

Best business idea to ever come from a brainstorm even though it’s already a thing:. Gif basket. And we also refuse to call them “jifs.”

Gif of the week: Spread ❤️, it’s the Brooklyn way.

Brokelyn kiss broad city ilana abbi

Follow @meghannn on Twitter. Smells like power. Smells like confidence. Smells like no bullshit.

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