What does it mean to be a “bad-ass bitch”? Is the real thing, be it a custom-made Shinjo dildo or a legit Coach bag, really that much better than an imitation? Does wearing the dick in the relationship grant the woman the same power as wearing the pants? These are some of the questions raised in this week’s episode of Broad City, “Knock-offs.”
Ilana’s mom Bobbi (Susie Essman, Curb Your Enthusiasm) comes in town to sit shiva for Grandma Esther, the bad-ass bitch matriarch who paved the way for the firecracker Wexler women by “doing everything she ever wanted,” including fucking Little Richard, who wasn’t gay, by the way, he was a “bisexual alien.” For this reason, Ilana and her mom, who are basically twinsies in every way, aren’t even mourning Grandma, they’re celebrating her by…obsessively seeking out counterfeit handbags on Canal Street.
Meanwhile, Abbi has her date with neighbor crush Jeremy, who it turns out likes it in the butt. When they’re having sex, and Abbi suggests they “switch,” he fetches his strap-on dildo. Abbi retreats to the bathroom to call Ilana for advice, who is so elated at this prospect that she puts the phone down and dances. For Ilana, “pegging,” or fucking a man in the ass using a strap-on dildo, is the ultimate act of female domination. She tells Abbi, “All throughout college I slept with a strap-on on just in case the opportunity came along, that you have handed to you on a silver fucking platter!”
Spoiler: Abbi does it! She pegs’im! The next morning, Jeremy gives her free reign of the apartment while he “volunteers to teach some underprivileged kids how to do woodworking,” and we know how much our girl Abbi relishes an apartment to herself. Everything’s going great until she melts the dildo by washing it in the dishwasher—if you don’t know, now you know—and has to venture to Fantasy World for a $79 replacement. Evidently, the whole world is gettin’ freaky: Ilana’s coworker Nicole is there, trying to exchange nipple clamps because they aren’t tight enough and keep popping off. Then Abbi swings by the shiva, where Ilana’s mom finds the dildo while inspecting the lining in Abbi’s purse, leading Abbi and Ilana to explain pegging to the family. Abbi tells them she “did it for Grandma Esther” and everybody hugs and cries, except Bobbi, who is too busy “feeling” another handbag.
Back at Jeremy’s, Abbi dons the new dildo, which Jeremy recognizes isn’t his, because his is a “shinjo, custom-made for my body, made out of all natural materials.” What can we say, Jeremy is a fancy boy. Abbi tells him he’s particular about his stuff, citing his “kimono area” and home-brewed cider with cardamon, which he resents. This line: “You’re throwing a temper tantrum because you don’t have your specialty, leather-blown dildo or whatever.” He yells at her for blasting Alanis Morissette’s “Thank You” all the time. The relationship is over.
But we end with the bad-ass bitches back on top: the girls repurpose the dildo as a necklace holder, and Ilana tells Abbi not to sweat the Jeremy situation. “You’re gonna find someone else to peg, there are infinite holes in the sea.” Handbags may be fake, dildos bottom-shelf, but lady love is priceless.
The Broad City Brokester tip of the week: Dating up will cost you. Don’t waste your time with fancy guys, who won’t appreciate when you fuck them in the ass on the first date, instead deride you for the “cheap, knock-off” dildo—at no meager $79!—you’re using.