Okay sure, so Eastern Europe is acting like Legos and NASA recently predicted the end of life as we know it. But we don’t need to deal with that right now, guys! Apparently, the most pressing issue on the minds of this generation is more like: why are we having less sex? Across the pond, The Guardian recently published the results of a study conducted at the University College of London, which claims to have found a steady two-decade decrease in young people fucking.
The study polled only Brits, so nobody panic just yet. Or maybe panic a little bit, because while Gen X guys were boning 6.3 and Gen X women 6.2 times per month, we’re slacking, with our guys and gals only getting their goose fed 4.9 and 4.8 times per month, respectively. But the upshot of the decline in monthly whoopie, as suggested by an author of the study, is that technology could be the culprit. “People have tablets and smartphones and are taking them into the bedroom, using Facebook and Twitter, answering emails.”
While that may be true, I have a different hunch: if Gen-Y having less sex, it’s only because on the way home to get frisky we’re being stopped and asked about our private lives for a “National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles;” talk about a boner-killer. Either that, or UCL researchers are getting flat-out lied to. After all, this study doesn’t seem on par with all of the other articles buzzing around about social media-induced hookup culture—not to mention the abundance of sex-crazed apps like Grindr and Tinder.
Maybe the Brits really are keeping it in their pants a little more often. But are we equally as abstinent on this side of the Atlantic? Weigh in, Brooklynites: is One Last Shag getting a little too obvious for you? Are you and your boo really Snapchatting too often to see each other beneath the sheets? Or, are you not reading this at all because you’re actually in the bedroom getting it on right now?
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I’m someone who straddles (heh) the line between Gen X and Millennial (I like to call us the Lost Generation, which no one else has ever been called) and from my vantage point, people have at least been TRYING to have sex. They’re not always successful, but they’re going out to dance nights and taking drugs and running through OK Cupid dates like they have a bomb strapped to them that will explode if they don’t go on at least one per week. To me, this, like most news about Millennials brought to you by Olds, just sounds like people who refuse to accept that no one cares about them being at the first Lollapalooza.
I think maybe the British are just spend all their goose feeding time waiting for new Doctor Who episodes.