12/08/16 3:52pm

The holiday season is evergreen (sry) for themed internet content, but once in a while there’ll be a song that bypasses the usual fast-burning viral fame and moves directly into meme status. Some years back, we Jews got Brandon Harris Walker’s Chinese Food on Christmas and Adam Sandler’s Hanukkah Song. This past Halloween, we were gifted SNL’s David S. Pumpkins, sure to play on for many Halloweens to come. And this week, a new song surfaced on the internet for the 2016 Christmas season. It’s not the rewrite of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside,” but it is your feminist holiday anthem of the year.

LIT (Like a Christmas Tree)” is a rap song made in collaboration by Brooklyn-based rap collective Hand Job Academy and Miami-based duo Basside. The title is pretty self-explanatory, and the song does a great job of capturing the millennial sentiment of 2016’s holiday season. We’ll happily spend time with the family for holiday celebrations, so long as we can get lit and avoid having anything to do with organized religion.

“Cover my tats for mass in a dress from ASOS, ’cause Christmas day I get pesos.” (more…)

12/22/14 12:01pm
Better deals than a Sam Goody going out of business sale.

Better deals than a Sam Goody going out of business sale.

Music: it’s hot this year! Sure, haters will tell you that lots of venues have closed this year and Brooklyn’s crown for being king of the music scene is as outdated as a trucker hat, but nuts to that: the borough is bursting with talent, bizarre shows and enough talent to choke Steven Tyler. So maybe you’re friends with notoriously picky music snobs, or you just don’t have Taylor Swift money to spend on gifts. Our panel of Brooklyn music pros will help guide you through the shopping season. (more…)

08/06/14 11:14am
clara bizna$$

Clara, comin’ at ya. via Facebook

Claire Beaudreault didn’t come to New York with the stated goal of becoming hip-hop’s number one authority on periods or Tumblr bitches, and yet that’s exactly what happened when Hand Job Academy’s lyrical ode to that time of the month, “Shark Week,” took the damn internet by storm. Hand Job Academy, the group Beaudreault raps in as Clara Bizna$$, has more to rap about then periods though, which we’ll all get to find out about when their debut full-length #IKEAMONKEY comes out August 26.

Beaudreault took a circuitious route to becoming Clara Bizzna$$ though, filling her resume with things like being a character at Disney World, a brief stint as a failed dominatrix, working at two haunted restaurants and even putting in time as a background hooker in Law and Order: SVU. – DC (more…)

02/25/14 1:45pm
Hand Job Academy at the No Office Holiday Party. Photo by Patrick Phillips.

Hand Job Academy at the No Office Holiday Party. Photo by Patrick Phillips.

With a title like that, you probably don’t need any other information on what this event is, but we’ll give it to you anyway. Our friends in the funny/fierce rap group Hand Job Academy are holding what is sure to be a rad free show tomorrow at the House of Vans, which promises both free skating and the greatest words this side of lunch: FREE PIZZA AND BEER. And because the Olympics are done and buried and never to be spoken of again, that means skateboarding, not icescapades. It’s part of the House of Vans weekly open mic/skate/pizza-and-beer cram sessions, so if you can’t make this show, you can always go back next week for more free hangs.  (more…)

12/30/13 11:00am
Claire Beaudreault nails

Let your nails get more attention then your dress. via FNGRBLSTR

If you’re like us, you’ve been thinking about your New Year’s Eve outfit for the last few weeks, but haven’t done any actual shopping for it yet. Ugh, Manhattan during shopping season is the worst. Plus, what’s gonna help you stand out more: the same sexy dress everyone is wearing, or nails done by a professional nail artist, made up by to look like pool balls or Russian nesting dolls or the Bad Brains logo? And wouldn’t you know it, Claire Beaudreault (of No Office Party rocking trio Hand Job Academy) is just such an artist, and she’s offering a huge deal on her custom nail art. (more…)

12/04/13 4:22pm
hand job academy

Clara Bizna$$, Meg Skaff and Ash Wednesday of the Hand Job Academy. Bonus points for that Beasties shirt.

While Hand Job Academy sounds like the place you want to send that girl who gave you an awkward and painful knuckle twist in the back of your Celica junior year, it’s actually the name of a group of very funny ladies. HJA gained some notoriety this year for penning a long-overdue (and very funny. And lewd) rap anthem about periods called “Shark Week.” Check out this feature on the group from The Cut, reported live from their recent performance at Hank’s Saloon. They’ve even got a special holiday song you can check out below too. Better yet, see the trio of ladies as they perform live at the No Office Holiday party on 12/12! (more…)

11/01/13 10:33am
Handjob Academy

Hand Job Academy is ready to teach, if you’re ready to learn

1. It’s the Day of the Dead, and what better place to celebrate it than Greenwood Park, the bar next to the cemetery? All the ghouls and gals will be there! (Friday)

2. Or if you want to potentially avoid offending an unfriendly ghost, you can celebrate the day at Trophy Bar. But ghosts do travel fast (Friday)

3. Hand Job Academy is a group of female comedians/rappers performing at Union Hall, but let’s be honest: you just wanna get advice because you failed Grip Tech in 9th grade (Friday)

4. Check out some bands playing as The Clash, The Cure, The Police and Joan Jett for Halloween. We saw the actual Police a few years ago and wish we saw a cover band (Friday) (more…)