Coming into their second matchup tonight, the Knicks and Nets are bad in all sorts of ways. Despite having the two highest paid “Big Three” combos in basketball, they’re a combined 10-23, each team only has one win against a team with a winning record and they play the kind of basketball only a blind person could love.
Given the sad state of affairs of this “rivalry,” is there anything worse you can do with your time than watch $200 million worth of disappointment battle for fourth place in the Atlantic Division? We’ll leave that up to you with our “Would Your Rather: Knicks vs. Nets” edition.
WOULD YOU RATHER WATCH THE KNICKS PLAY THE NETS TONIGHT OR…
– Swim in the Gowanus Canal for two hours?
– Be the subject of a “The Hunt” column in which even the reporter describes you as “particularly bougie” or an “artistic type”?
– Watch home movies of Eli Manning forced to sit at the kids table at Thanksgiving?
– Listen to a Michael Bloomberg press conference in which he describes “This really weird dream I had”…in Spanish?
– Be legally prohibited to grocery shop except on Sunday afternoons at the Court Street Trader Joe’s?
– Go on a dinner date with Billy Crystal and Rudy Giuliani during which they only drink expensive scotch and get weepy over Derek Jeter?
– Listen to James Dolan give a lecture the history of blues music in America?
– Read a collection of “Leaving New York” essays to a drunken crowd of construction workers, in your underwear?
– Explain to your 85-year-old grandmother what a “thot” is?
– Watch Hoda Kotb and Kathie Lee Gifford read your internet porn search history on Times Square’s ABC SuperSign, with a picture of you prominently displayed on it?
– Print out all of the internet’s Taylor Swift thinkpieces and Serial thinkpieces and build a papier mache Lincoln Tunnel out of them?
– Go to a bottomless brunch with a group of people who tell how they’re so over brunch and tell you this more loudly with every drink?
– Proofread a history of the Brooklyn D.I.Y. scene written by Brett Yormark for Delta Sky, the official in-flight magazine of Delta Airlines?
– Moderate a three-way debate between 9/11 Truthers, anti-vaccination activists and GamerGate advocates on which group is treated most poorly by the media?
– Make small-talk with your sister’s fiance, a brand ambassador who only wants to tell you all about his plan to woo the Millennial demographic by harnessing that “Brooklyn cool”?
– Have all of your tweets read back to you right before you die?
– Be forced at gunpoint to write about how Bayonne, NJ is the next “new Brooklyn”?
– Do crowd control for a One Direction concert at the Barclays Center happening at the same time as dueling pro-Israel/pro-Palestine rallies?
– Watch a Jets vs. Giants game