Are you football fan, horrified by the Jets’ offense, and yet more horrified by everybody at MetLife Stadium cheering for them to put Michael Vick in? Weary that the Giants will start losing again once they play a team with some actual talent on it? Generally put off by the shadiness of Roger Goodell? Well, if you live in or are willing to travel to Brooklyn, you’re not totally out of luck. The inaugural FXFL season is just about ready to kick off, and for a measly $20 (for bleacher seats) you too can watch experimental, semi-professional football live with tickets now on sale to see the Brooklyn Bolts play at MCU Park for the very first time. Good luck even paying just double that for the nosebleeds at MetLife.
The Bolts start their season on a bye week for some reason, but then get rolling in Week 2. You can get your football fix on Wednesday, October 15, as the Bolts take on their hated rivals the Boston Brawlers starting at 7:30pm, and you even get yourself a pink t-shirt as part of Breast Cancer Awareness Day, all while purposefully repressing your traumatic brain injury awareness. If you’d rather take home a souvenir stein on Oktoberfest Night, head out on October 24, when the hometown Bolts face off against their hated rivals, the Omaha Mammoths. The best part about those cheap $20 seats is that you get to take part in the ThunderStorm, the not-at-all arbitrary section of fans hoped by the Bolts to bring them a home field advantage through bringing, as the Wu-Tang Clan would say, da motherfucking ruckus. And hell, even if you decide to pay a premium to sit closer to the action, Level A seats near the 50 yard line will only set you back $35.
With the Cyclones and now the Bolts both named after famous Coney Island rides, we’re really looking forward to hockey coming to MCU Park so that the Brooklyn Deno’s Wonder Wheels can finally make their debut. If you’ve just had it up to here with everybody making fun of your idea for the NFL to have a minor league, here’s your chance to feel vindicated. There are only three home games for the Bolts in this inaugural season, so you might want to get on it.