Scenes from the 2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant

smallest penis in brooklyn pageant

Your competitors this year, from left to right: Rajkumar, Peter Parker, The Puzzle Master, Twig-N-Berries, Rufio. All photos by Mary Dorn

After the rousing success of last year’s Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant, it was almost guaranteed there would be a sequel. After all, summer blockbuster rules require it. Lo and behold, the sequel took place on Saturday at Bushwick’s Kings County Bar, and fortunately for the packed to capacity crowd, the ballsy contestants delivered another memorable evening of performances. Confidence was key as always for these men with pint-size peckers and Peter North-sized hearts, but there could only be one winner. This year, it was a contestant named Rajkumar, who wowed the crowd with his sensitivity and Bollywood dance skills. 

smallest penis in brooklyn pageant

Rajkuamr celebrating his win, overseen by last year’s winner Nick Gilronan

Like last year’s win by Nick Gilronan, aka the Delivery Man, Rajkumar (real name: Rajeer Gupta) won the crowd over with a combination of talent and earnestness. Raj had the crowd rooting for him almost immediately, using the question-and-answer portion in the beginning to tell host Chicken Bitches that his favorite thing to do in bed was kissing, causing all the girls in the audience to faint from the cuteness of it all.

smallest penis in brooklyn pageant

Host Chicken Bitches makes her entrance, before singing “Beautiful Dicks.”

When he’s not winning penis-based competition, Raj told us that he came to New York via Indiana, where he’d gone to school, after being raised in New Delhi. Gupta told us that he’d always dreamed of being a Bollywood dancer, so the competition allowed him to step out of his comfort zone and have fun with it. He credited his upbringing with his pride in his mini-member, telling us”In India, love is placed high above sex. So penis size is least important. I have learned from India it is all about love.”

Presumably, it also helped Raj that women haven’t complained about it. “I am a certified pleasure maker,” he said in a way that somehow managed to not be creepy at all.

smallest penis in brooklyn pageant

The crowd was eager to see this year’s pageant, of course

smallest penis in brooklyn pageant

Which led to a packed bar

smallest penis in brooklyn pageant

Penis Coladas and dick straws returned this year as well

smallest penis in brooklyn pageant

The contestants take the stage for the evening wear portion of the competition

smallest penis in brooklyn pageant

Chicken Bitches serenades the crowd

smallest penis in brooklyn pageant

Rufio, who told the crowd his favorite food was “pussy” tells dick jokes to the crowd that didn’t go over too well

smallest penis in brooklyn pageant

So he just decided to dance instead

smallest penis in brooklyn pageant

Rajkumar welcomes so water during the swimwear portion of the event

smallest penis in brooklyn pageant

This uh, this thing. The reason we’re all here, we suppose

smallest penis in brooklyn pageant

The Puzzle Master doing his talent, the “Would you fuck me? I’d fuck me” scene from Silence of the Lambs

smallest penis in brooklyn pageant

And letting it all hang loose

smallest penis in brooklyn pageant

Entertainment between rounds included tassel-based dancing

smallest penis in brooklyn pageant

Plus music from Afterbirth Monkey

smallest penis in brooklyn pageant

Bar owner and judge Amy Artura dressed to impress

smallest penis in brooklyn pageant

Rufio salutes the crowd by waving his dick at it

smallest penis in brooklyn pageant

Peter Parker, who entered last year’s competition as well, prepares to do Stan Lee proud

smallest penis in brooklyn pageant

Just your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man, dancing to “Jump On It”

Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant

Chicken Bitches, bravely wearing a fur coat in a tiny, packed bar in Brooklyn in June

Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant

It takes a real man to celebrate smallness

smallest penis in brooklyn pageant

What everyone was there to see

smallest penis in brooklyn pageant

A closer look at the champ’s stuff

smallest penis in brooklyn pageant

Weenies in tuxedos, a Brooklyn summer tradition.

Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant

Twig-n-Berries sings “I’m a Lumberjack” with a burlesque twist

Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant

Before he shows off his wood to the crowd

Smallest Penis in Brooklyn PageantSmallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant

Raj celebrates a good score from the judges after his Bollywood dance (lower numbers were better)

Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant

Which of course means that this 5 was not what you wanted to see

Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant

Chicken Bitches announced Raj’s win

Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant

Raj adresses his devoted audience