Your competitors this year, from left to right: Rajkumar, Peter Parker, The Puzzle Master, Twig-N-Berries, Rufio. All photos by Mary Dorn
After the rousing success of last year’s Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant, it was almost guaranteed there would be a sequel. After all, summer blockbuster rules require it. Lo and behold, the sequel took place on Saturday at Bushwick’s Kings County Bar, and fortunately for the packed to capacity crowd, the ballsy contestants delivered another memorable evening of performances. Confidence was key as always for these men with pint-size peckers and Peter North-sized hearts, but there could only be one winner. This year, it was a contestant named Rajkumar, who wowed the crowd with his sensitivity and Bollywood dance skills.
Rajkuamr celebrating his win, overseen by last year’s winner Nick Gilronan
Like last year’s win by Nick Gilronan, aka the Delivery Man, Rajkumar (real name: Rajeer Gupta) won the crowd over with a combination of talent and earnestness. Raj had the crowd rooting for him almost immediately, using the question-and-answer portion in the beginning to tell host Chicken Bitches that his favorite thing to do in bed was kissing, causing all the girls in the audience to faint from the cuteness of it all.
Host Chicken Bitches makes her entrance, before singing “Beautiful Dicks.”
When he’s not winning penis-based competition, Raj told us that he came to New York via Indiana, where he’d gone to school, after being raised in New Delhi. Gupta told us that he’d always dreamed of being a Bollywood dancer, so the competition allowed him to step out of his comfort zone and have fun with it. He credited his upbringing with his pride in his mini-member, telling us”In India, love is placed high above sex. So penis size is least important. I have learned from India it is all about love.”
Presumably, it also helped Raj that women haven’t complained about it. “I am a certified pleasure maker,” he said in a way that somehow managed to not be creepy at all.
The crowd was eager to see this year’s pageant, of course
Which led to a packed bar
Penis Coladas and dick straws returned this year as well
The contestants take the stage for the evening wear portion of the competition
Chicken Bitches serenades the crowd
Rufio, who told the crowd his favorite food was “pussy” tells dick jokes to the crowd that didn’t go over too well
So he just decided to dance instead
Rajkumar welcomes so water during the swimwear portion of the event
This uh, this thing. The reason we’re all here, we suppose
Street names are underused form of public salute. Every once in a while we change one to celebrate a former mayor or something, but for the most part we’re stuck with boring old numbers and letters. Coney Island hot dog tycoons Nathan and Ida Handwerker got their own street earlier this summer. Bensonhurst Bean reports that the neighborhood […]
For a while there, Bushwick’s reputation as a Brooklyn neighborhood was mostly infamous, its personality largely reduced to reports of cultural appropriation and brutally unfunny SNL skits. But that game has tired, and so Bushwick has made it out of the (Heavy) woods of Brooklyn-mocking to reemerge in its pupal form as a hub for creativity and culture. A prime […]
Well, that’s one way to avoid the G train. Passersby in South Brooklyn spotted a man paddle boarding on the Gowanus Canal this week. That’s right, as in standing on a flat board with no shoes on in the notoriously disgusting Gowanus Canal, splashing water around with no protection against falling in. In case you’re unfamiliar, the canal […]