David Rees and his pencils. Goggles? Really?
David Rees and his pencils. Goggles? Really?

We’re still looking for the April 1 dateline on this press release, but apparently, artisanal pencil sharpening is no joke. Or is it? David Rees, a political cartoonist for the likes of Rolling Stone, GQ, The Nation and Harper’s, has set aside his illustration career to put the finer points on Dixon Ticonderogas. He says he’s written a book called “How to Sharpen Pencils,” and is kicking off a national tour at Pete’s Candy store. Really!

While the event is free, Rees makes money (a living? not sure) from whittling writing implements: “His artisanal service is perfect for artists, writers, and standardized test takers,” says the release. “For a mere $15, Mr. Rees will hand-sharpen your pencil to the most exacting standards, returning it to you together with the shavings, and a certificate of sharpening.” We’re not ruling out that this is some kind of send up — and if someone’s videotaping, you can be sure of it — but we’ll say this for the Feb. 13 event: if you meet your true love at an artisanal pencil sharpening workshop, you’re pretty much guaranteed a Vows writeup in the Times. And if Rees does a follow-up workshop on finding the end of a Scotch tape roll we’re so there.

Artisanal Pencil Sharpening, Monday, Feb. 13, 7:30pm, Pete’s Candy Store,  709 Lorimer St., Brooklyn. L to Lorimer; G to Metropolitan.

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