In this case, shrinkage is preferred

Usually when it comes to penis size, you’ll find guys lining up to talk about how huge they are. Or, we guess, we haven’t really had a chat like that in awhile. But hey, outside of taking questionable pills, it’s not like can do anything to make your dick bigger. So for those of you a little less endowed, King County Bar, in Bushwick (duh) is holding a contest to determine who in Brooklyn has the smallest penis. You’ve gotta be pretty ballsy to enter this, huh? (more…)

Just try not to think of how covered in sweat everything is. via Facebook

For people of a certain age, the Market Hotel was the ultimate DIY venue in Brooklyn. Maybe even in the world. Well, OK, maybe that’s a little bit of an overstatement. Still, the Market Hotel was really cool, and was shut down too early by Bloomberg’s fun police. They’re cleaning things out there now, and will be having a tag sale this weekend, so maybe you can own a thing that you sat on looking bored because you thought that made you look cool. (more…)

Odds of being on the next Times’ hip hop tour? 10,000:1

Awesome rap news giveth, awesome rap news taketh away. In what we can only assume is a tryout to be an Urban Outfitters spokesperson/Macklemore opening act, a Bushwick resident going by Lifestream made a video:

OK, so the sunglasses behind sunglasses gag never gets old. The rest of it, well, whatever. When you tell people you live in Bushwick, just point to something like its thriving freight train-hopping scene or actual legitimately cool tiny libraries. And if anyone does ask you about this, just tell them it was filmed in Ridgewood.

[h/t Gothamist]

Just a normal Sunday afternoon at a pizza place

Despite the fact that the mercury is barely getting above 70 with any regularity, summer is coming, we swear. We think. And once it gets here, you’re going to want to spend it dancing with people who are as drunk and naked as you are, which is why you go to Tiki Disco at Roberta’s. The schedule dropped, and the big news is that they’ve added a third location to host the parties, the Knockdown Center, which is just across the border in Queens. So don’t forget your passport. (more…)

It only gets better from here. via The Brooklyn Paper

Controversy in Bushwick usually sends reporters scurrying over here in search of ridiculous young people to talk to, in the hopes they’ll say something ridiculous. Which, to be fair, almost always happens.Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Reporters have to sell papers get web hits and young people have to be ridiculous. But somehow, the best thing about a story about a giant mural of grotesque naked women on Johnson Avenue offending people isn’t even the giant mural of grotesque naked women. (more…)

Heavy Woods
50 Wyckoff Ave., at Willoughby Ave.
Bushwick
(929) 234-3500

What is it: A new addition to the Jefferson Stop bar lineup, this whiskey haven is walled with windows, but not in a new condo in Williamsburg way. The windows resting above the wood walls are quite magical and give this lodge-like bar a bit of abandoned warehouse charm.

Why we love it: They have a great selection of beer. They also have different events from Pumpkin Carving Contests to Russian Dance Nights – which I’m hoping is a night where they just play t.A.T.u. over and over again. (more…)

Radical politics and booty shakin’: not necessarily mutually exclusive. via PoC Organize

You know who needs a party right now? Independent journalists. As mainstream gets less and less reliable and more and more, well…wacked out, maybe it’s time to celebrate all the folks who are tweeting, sharing, and tumbling us all into a higher plane of knowledge, criticsm, and snark. Join The Indypendent this Saturday for their Spring Dance Party in Bushwick. The beer is cheap, because, well, you know how it is out there. (more…)

The summer is louder in Brooklyn. Between your neighbor who blasts Usher songs into the street all day, kids playing on the sidewalk, and your own drunk ass fumbling for your keys and cursing all that tequila you drank, your neighborhood is probably about to turn into a big ol’ noisefest. Here are some affordable options for your potential new digs. (more…)

Pine Box Rock Shop
12 Grattan Street (off Morgan Avenue)
Bushwick
718-366-6311

What it is: A bar and music venue located steps from the Morgan L stop in an old casket factory.

Why we love it: Owners/oft-bartenders Jeff and Heather are awesome people, encouraging a laid back, dog-friendly vibe where a good conversation isn’t hard to find. It’s also the best place in the area to catch some football while tipping back a local microbrew like Alphabet City Dizzy Brewnette or the latest Brooklyn Brewmaster’s Reserve. You can look over the old show stubs that are scattered as part of the bar top and wonder how many thousands of dollars of concert money are represented beneath your beverage. Live music in a sectioned-off venue, karaoke, Walking Dead watching parties…what’s not to love? (more…)

Goo goo g’joob

Love making omelettes but hate the act of actually breaking the eggs? That’s uh, a little weird, but OK, whatever. You’re in luck, because a Bushwick artist has an offer for you:

I have gallons of fresh egg whites and yellows (not separate from each other). I’m using the shells for an art installation and removing the insides with a pump. They are safe to eat and clean an sanitary and I have way more eggs than I know what to do with

So many questions. There’s a pump for that? Is this part of Bushwick Open Studios? Is this whole offer just more art? And hidden in the offer is the fact that the eggs must be stored in something like tupperware or another container, so presumably you get that for free too.