A visit with Professor Mirman and 9 other free events

1. The Glasslands Holiday Party has an eggnog open bar for an hour. That’ll make for some interesting colored puke for those who overindulge. (Monday)

2. Meditate with some punx. But these probably aren’t punks in the traditional sense, so save your trivia about …And Out Come the Wolves for another night. (Monday)

3. The Secret Science Club welcomes leech expert Mark Siddall to give a lecture on the bloodsuckers. We consider ourselves a hardy bunch but ew ew ew this gives us the creeps. (Tuesday)

4. Share your story under construction at LitWrap, just be sure to fill in the p(l)ot holes. (Tuesday)

5. Got a case of the holiday blues? Get 200% of your daily dose of Vitamin Laughter with silent films from the likes of Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton*. (Wednesday)

6. Here’s how to not suggest going to this Babeland fellatio tips event: “Honey, you’re terrible at giving head.” Try “Honey, I love you, but you’re terrible at giving head.” You’re welcome. (Wednesday)

7. You can finally go back to Ohio, for a night at least, at Owl Farm’s OhioNYC Holiday Party. (Thursday)

8. Head to powerHouse to learn the weird words you can use in Scrabble, destroyer of so many seemingly stable relationships. (Thursday)

9. It just doesn’t feel like Christmas without an ugly sweater party. (Thursday)

10. Eugene Mirman hits the small screen with his own Comedy Central special. You’re all invited to watch on the Bell House’s big screen, because you’re all smart and don’t have cable. (Friday)

*This statement has not been evaluated by the FDA