Labor Day marks the unofficial end of summer, the thought of which already has us crying into our pumpkin ales. We’ve made no secret that Brokelyn is firmly in the tank of the pro-summer lobby, but what the hell are we supposed to do now that nine horrible months of pants and watching movies indoors is upon us? Some ideas:
10. Buy an ice cream truck, drive it around selling ice cream
Can double as a mobile sublet when you go bankrupt around November.
9. Refuse to go home on a Saturday night until you see the sunrise
Even if that sunrise doesn’t come until well after 7am.
8. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s at Fort Tilden
Boobs look better when lightly frosted. Also, Fewer cops to hide your beer from.
7. Take a dump in McCarren Pool
Just as gross as in the summer time, but now with more privacy!
6. Make all your meals on a grill
Grilling and eating pumpkin and whole turkeys is just as good as kebobs. Probably.
5. Turn all your roommates’ winter pants into cutoffs.
This way you won’t just have jorts, you’ll have corts (corduroys), slorts (slacks) and snorts (snowpants).
4. Heat your garbage, then throw it out. Voila, garbage juice!
For added summer emphasis, throw a hive of live bees on the garbage can outside your door.
3. Keep bumping “Call Me Maybe”
Before the summer came into your life, you missed it so bad, missed it so so bad.
2. Leave your air conditioner in the window
Keep it on too: Global warming will eventually create the endless summer we’ve been dreaming of.
1. Don’t turn the calendar to September
If you will it it is no dream. #Occupysummer
Add your ideas for summer extending to the comments. And a happy Aug. 35 to you all!
List compiled by David Colon, Faye Penn and Tim Donnelly.
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last year i was all, “Yeah, FU winter, I’m never wearing socks!”
Then i got real cold and sad.