Seamless debate poll reveals how lazy NYC millennials are voting, eating

Step aside, Nate Silver! There’s a new authority on presidential polls in town: Seamless.

The food delivery giant ran its own poll during the presidential debate Monday night to see whether lazy, hungry millenials prefer Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump. Or, at least, to see whose supporters were lazier, hungrier and more likely to order Seamless on a Monday night.

Customers were given a discount on the night of the debate using competing coupon codes “IMWITHHER” and “IMWITHHIM,” and it should be no great surprise which code was more popular in New York, at least amongst people who understand how to order food on the Internet. And who better to predict the future of our country than the No. 1 service of New York’s softest millennials?

It looks like Trump was right to fear “cyber,” evidently, as Seamless’ poll results were a landslide for Hillary, to the tune of 82% to 18%. Looks like those 400 lb. hackers are ordering in with a vengeance.

The 82% landslide represents only a tiny sliver of Americans who actually used Seamless on Monday night, so it isn’t exactly “credible” and it doesn’t exactly “mean anything,” but, then again, facts haven’t been an obstacle in this race yet anyway.

Also, Trump’s 10-year old son apparently just couldn’t order enough meals to save him, even though he has computers and he’s so good with them that it’s unbelievable.

In any case, the biggest chunk of votes came from New York City, so these results can at least give you some indication of the local sentiment. That said, the results of this poll didn’t account for people who were using “IMWITHHIM” ironically or for people who tried to type in “IMWITHBERNIE” and were instantly blacklisted by the DNC.

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Maybe more informative than the trend towards Hillary were the specific appetites of voters. Apparently Clinton supporters were 119% more likely to order vegetable samosas — a sensible, palatable item that, while maybe not the most exciting on the menu, is what we know we should order. Trump supporters were 247% more likely to order Chinese donuts, which I didn’t even know was a food. Probably a hoax invented by the Chinese.

But hey, good on Seamless. It’s about time someone ask some real, hard-hitting questions. Who’s checking their exes’ Instagram more during the debate? Whose Etsy stores are getting more traction? Whose supporters tip their Lyft drivers and by how much? Are Democrats or Republicans more likely to watch films with a strong female lead on Netflix? We, the people, demand answers.

One thing is clear: Clinton won an online food poll about whose supporters are hungrier, so we might as well call the election now in her favor. After all, as they say, “As the coupon codes for take-out goes, so goes the nation.”

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