Reminder: You will never afford a Brooklyn townhouse

brooklyn brownstone
Nope. In fact, don’t even look at it, you can’t afford it. via Flickr user straightedge217

Hey there office drone, working while your awful old bosses laugh about how cheap you come: what is it that keeps you going? We certainly hope it isn’t the foolish idea that one day you’re going to own a significant chunk of property in Kings County, because if it is, well, here’s a fun report for you from Ideal Properties looking at Brooklyn townhouse sales over the past year. What’s it say? Oh only that a mere 2% of townhouses sold for less than one million dollars. Better start playing that “hit by a car lottery” rather than working if you want to get a brownstone.

Yes, just a measly 2% of townhouses sold for under a million dollars, in a report in which Ideal twisted the knife a little further and prefaced it all by writing “Brooklynites will nostalgically remember the days before having to pay $1M [sic] to own their home.” Ah, precious memories, like when you first moved here, saw those beautiful brownstones and though, “Maybe that’ll be mine one day.” NOPE, think again, sucker. In fact, the chances are so low we hear that global tourism ambassador T. Swift is writing a new song called “You Will Never Ever Ever Own a Brownstone.”

Is there any good news? Well, if you want to just own something and not a whole brownstone, the report noted that 94% of co-ops and 55% of condos were under a million dollars, so that’s nice. Also, even this real estate report says that brownstone prices “continue to shatter the ceiling of plausibility,” which is real estate speak for uncontrollable laughter. Still, now that the The Purge: New York seems like it’s ending, you won’t be able to count on a crime wave dragging prices down, so it’s back to just waiting around for that bubble to burst. Good luck.


Leave a Reply