People keep dying, so Green-Wood is adding more expensive mausoleums

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If you’re buried here, you’d be dead by now. via Facebook

It’s an immutable law of nature that people will keep dying, no matter how many scientific advances we make. Where will we put all these dead people though? Apparently since “the East River” is a bad idea, Green-Wood Cemetery is making more room for the dead, according to court filings that DNA Info got a look at. The cemetery is adding more mausoleums, but if you want to be cooped up in one, we still suggest buying those scratch-off tickets since it’s still gonna run you $320,000 for one.

Since Green-Wood was going to run out of room for more dead people within five years, they’ve made a plan to move their offices across the street from the cemetery and convert the current office space to mausoleums. So, you can call off that plan of yours to be dead within five years. Unless of course you’re in year three of it, you might be too heavily invested at this point.

The good news we suppose, is that by adding more housing stock (for the dead) in Brooklyn’s most desirable locations, rich people who want to be buried in Brooklyn will flock to the new mausoleums, this reducing prices at Brooklyn’s other cemeteries. Or does the dead housing market not work the same way neo-liberals tell us the living one should work?

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