It’s 2016 and you still have some job that you hate more than anything in the world. What are you doing just sticking with it like it’s a dead marriage you’re keeping together just for the kids? There’s a whole other world of jobs out there waiting to make an honest employed person out of you, jobs that will treat you with respect and love or at the very least not be full of screaming idiots you hate working with. Here’s a few we found for you, so go out and get one before someone else does.
Mad Men has been off the wait a little while now, but you still might go around telling people you fancy yourself a Peggy or a (poor, crazy) Ginsberg. Put your money where your TV talking mouth is and apply to be a copywriter at Makerbot, then. 3D printers are either the wave of the future or the next Sega Saturn, but you can help prevent the latter fate by writing copy on things like email campaigns, blog posts and social media that espouse the virtues of a new fangled 3D printer. All you need are strong writing and grammar skills, a hatred for sloppy copy, two years of experience and an ability to speak to lots of different audiences about the benefits of these crazy things.
Of course, you might want to write but don’t consider yourself a tool of the advertising agency. You’re cool, like Mr. Famous hismelf, the guy from Almost Famous. In that case, take your taste making skills to SPIN, where they need a news writer to aggregate and blog and help them stay on top of the punishing 24-hour news cycle. Also you get to pitch your own stories, so it’s not just rewriting other people’s words. They want a few music-related clips, your top five songs and albums of 2015 and a cover letter talking about why you’re the right fit for the job. Just don’t dawdle, the deadline to email spinjobs2016 [AT] gmail.com is January 8.
Hate cancer? Specifically blood cancer? Great, because Delete Blood Cancer needs a blood cancer-hating camera whiz with three years of experience to be their new videographer. You’ll be shooting, editing and managing the equipment transport of all the video shoots that DBC does in their mission to kick the shit out of blood cancer. So not only will you be getting paid in money, but also in smugness which you can use to say things like “Oh yeah, I fight cancer for a living.”
Hey, Citi Bike is hiring, that might be exciting for some of you. Sadly, they’re not hiring a bounty hunter to track down certain bike thieving scum, but they are looking for a data scientist to look through all the data that flows through their system to help make it as efficient and optimized as it can be. You’ll not only be reading the data, you’ll be suggesting web tools managers can use to keep up to date on maintenance and new tracking tools so staff in the field can redistribute bikes to empty stations more efficiently. As you might imagine, you need to know maths, but also various programming languages and also have an understanding of New York City’s neighborhoods and geography.
If you’re lukewarm on advertising but LOVE offices, have we got the job for you. Immersive ad experience company Fake Love needs someone to manage their office full of precious creative minds too busy thinking up ways to trick you into buying things to take care of things like making sure the phones are plugged in correctly and the office is clean and everyone’s benefits are lined up. That office manager could be you, and beyond all the power that a good office manager has, you’ll also get vacation time and health benefits.
And finally, a job that’s focused around the ice cold beverage we all know and love, the sudsy drink we call beer. The Brooklyn Brew Shop needs someone who’s into beer you make yourself and has some great social media skills to take on the job of being their social media marketing assistant. You’ll be pushing the magic of homebrewing across a number of social media platforms, as well as write a little ad copy every now and again. You should have good writing skills, a passion for beer and an eye for analytics, and if you do, you too can work with a bunch of beer obsessives and get benefits like beer tastings, snacks and 50% employer-paid health insurance.
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